1-1-1
Montage
Opening
Professor Williams
Morpheus
Professor Williams: Don't believe what they say! Vampires
exist!
[more script - fancy and exciting first scene]
1-1-2
INT - DAY
F/X BUSTLE AND HUBBUB OF A BUSY FRESHERS FAIR
1.RUGBY SOC: Sign up for the rugby club! One pound to join, cheap
booze for a term!
2.CONSERVATIVES: Conservative students' association! One pound
to join, cheap booze for a term!
3.CHRISTIAN UNION: Christian Union! One pound to join, possibility
of regaining your soul's glory and finding everlasting redemption
in the afterlife!!
4.MYLES: Um, I'm not sure where I'm supposed to be…
5. CHRISTIAN UNION: …and free booze for a term! Sorry mate?
6.MYLES: I'm supposed to be in the Thaumatology department in
half an hour, and I don't know where it is. Could you give me
directions?
7.CHRISTIAN UNION: Er, honour thy father and thy mother, follow
the Commandments, and ooh, don't eat yellow snow. (SHOUTS) Free
booze for a term!
8.MYLES: Right, well, thanks.
9.SKY-DIVING SOCIETY WOMAN VENDOR: Fast food! We've got falafel,
pitta bread, chilli, organic soup to take away, wide selection
of vegetarian stuffed peppers…
10.MYLES: I'm looking for the Thaumatology department.
11.SKY-DIVING SOCIETY WOMAN VENDOR: Sorry love, can't help. What's
Thaumatology when its at home?
(BEAT)
12.MYLES: (MISERABLY) I have no idea. Um, look, could I have
a cup of tea?
13.SKY-DIVING SOCIETY WOMAN VENDOR: Course you can love. We've
got Lapsang suchong, orange and cinnamon, apple and ginger, peach
blossom and honey…. (FADE OUT.)
1-1-3
Morpheus and Brenton - INTERIOR - VAMPIRES BELOW THE UNIVERSITY
- A HALL
(It is Morpheus's birthday. Morpheus and Brenton are relaxing
after a marvellous and expensive birthday party, organised by
Brenton. The opening of the scene is to give the (false) impression
that they are just over some man-to-man action. But they are
absolutely heterosexual vampires. Honestly!)
Brenton: Was that good for you?
Morpheus: Oh, yes, it was. It was superlative. Why do you
ask?
Brenton: Do you really mean that? How can I be sure, master?
Morpheus: Well, I'm smoking a cigarette, aren't I?
Brenton: Yes - but - are you inhaling?
Morpheus: Brenton, my servant, I am [four hundred and twenty-three]
years old today. What a party! You organised a birthday cake
that filled the entire of our underground tunnel here ……….
under the University of Kent ………..
Brenton: And I assembled your old chums from that Vampires'
Reunited site.
Morpheus: (approval) What a guest list!
Brenton: So you ARE over your identity crisis now?
Morpheus: (a bit wearily) Once a vampire, always a vampire,
I suppose. (musing) But four hundred and …. I'm in a holding
pattern now. Being immortal … Not given clearance to land,
so as to speak.
Brenton: (encouraging and urgent) Morpheus, master, we've
got to seize more human victims. We don't operate a catch and
release policy, you know.
Morpheus: (despising) Humans! A human can't understand life
or the after-life like a vampire can. (darkly) It's about betrayal.
Brenton: (agreeing) What is it about us vampires? We can't
stop hunting!
Morpheus: Humans are like horoscopes - always telling everyone
what to do and they're always wrong.
1-1-4
INT - DAY
F/X STILL AT THE FRESHERS FAIR, THOUGH THE NOISE HAS RECEDED
SOMEWHAT.
1.CHARITY: Hello?
2.:MYLES Sorry, did you say something?
3.CHARITY: I was just asking if it was okay to sit here. But
if you'd rather be alone…
4.MYLES: No! I mean no, I don't want to be alone. Not no, it's
not okay to be sit here. Because it is. Okay to sit here. If
you want.
(BEAT)
5.CHARITY: I'm guessing you're on the computer starter course.
6.MYLES: (ASTOUNDED) How could you tell that?
7.CHARITY: Well, your social skills seem sort of… focused,
and that logo on your tee shirt is, I believe, from the two thousand
and one Microsoft NT launch.
8.MYLES: That's amazing!
9.CHARITY: Also, your folder says Computer Studies on it.
10.MYLES: Oh.
11.CHARITY: I'm Charity by the way.
12.MYLES: Myles.
13.CHARITY: You a fresher as well?
14.MYLES: Oh yes. I didn't even want to come to the freshers'
fair, to tell you the truth. I just can't find my lecture hall.
15.CHARITY: Oh but this is great isn't it? All these clubs, and
societies, and new people to meet. Although I suppose it could
all seem a bit… overwhelming at first.
16.MYLES: (CASUALLY) Well, I suppose, to some of the younger
ones. But this is what university's all about isn't it? Opening
your horizons, expanding your boundaries…
17.CHARITY: Yeah! You can reinvent yourself! It doesn't matter
who you were before you came here. Now you're here, you can be
anyone you want! It makes me feel like I could do anything I
want!
18.SKY-DIVING SOCIETY WOMAN: (hearty) Hey, you all! I'm signing
people up for the skydiving society. Interested?
19.CHARITY: Err, maybe later.
20.SKY-DIVING SOCIETY WOMAN: How about you sir?
21.MYLES: Um, I would? Only I've got to find my class. But maybe
later.
(BEAT)
22.CHARITY: We are complete wussies.
23.MYLES: Yup. Well, I'd better find the Thaumatology Department.
Still, it was nice to- What?
24.CHARITY: That's where I'm going! Weird …..
25.MYLES: Well, let's go and find out what's going on.
F/X SCRAPING OF CHAIRS AS THEY GET UP. CONVERSATION STARTS TO
FADE.
26.CHARITY: What is Thaumatology anyway?
27.MYLES: It's the study of Thaums.
28.CHARITY: You don't know, do you?
29. Myles: No.
Alan Beck is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Non-Commercial-Share Alike 2.0 UK: England & Wales License.
