2-3-1 Nanette Aldous
INT: WALKING IN JOHN DANE GARDENS
Lavinia: so we're all living there temporarily, bit tight for space but we manage
Orlando: you're staying for a while Lavinia?
Lavinia: till we have to leave
Orlando: how is the house, spent much time there?
Lavinia: a bit grotty when we first went in Orlando, truth is it looked like a squat
Orlando: (nervous laugh) really?
Lavinia: think the only messy guests around are rats
Orlando: rats, what makes you-
Lavinia: there's this huge wardrobe in the back room-can't get it open-it's fixed to the wall, there's funny ticking type scratchy noises coming from inside
Orlando: oh yes definitely rats, I'll come round, sort that out for you
Lavinia: would you?
Orlando: yes we'll do it now
Lavinia: but it's such a lovely spring day, let's wait till the sun goes in
Orlando: no…I mean no time like right now
2-3-2
INT: IN HOUSE. IN FRONT ROOM
GRAMS THEME TUNE FROM THE O.C. - FADE OUT
NAZ AT DESK ON COMPUTER. JADE SITTING ON END OF DESK
FILING NAILS.Naz: right, now there's something strange going on here
Jade: yeah, your 'cool' obsession with downloading The O.C.
Naz: nada Jade, the rooter on my computer keeps picking up signals from some other…I might want to move to Orange County
Jade: you just wanna be Seth, you fancy Ryan
Naz: shu
Jade: so whose computer you geeking into then
Naz: news is it's a beta system, I'm trying to break into - translation for the naïve- weirdly encrypted
Jade: and in plain English I only came to check my emails Da Vinci
Naz: it's good having you about again, can you come back later?
Jade: me and Sting are going to the cinema tonight
Naz: can't I come, we could see Oceans thirteen
Jade: ok I can handle two, pick me up at 7.30, you're buying the popcorn
2-3-3
INT: SHOWER
Lavinia: urgh ceiling plaster, what's that falling on me, the ceiling's caving in
FX PSYCHO MUSIC
Lavinia: (coughs)what's happ
FX LOUD CRASH OF CEILING FALLING INTO BATHROOM. LAVINIA SCREAMS
Lavinia: Orlando, your feet, you're falling through
FX CEILING GIVES WAY, ORLANDO DROPS TO FLOOR
Lavinia: you've landed in shower
Orlando: it doesn't just rain men in the song
Lavinia: you're sitting on my towel
Orlando: I can confirm it you've no rats up there
Lavinia: at least I've trapped one unexpected guest
Orlando: well if I can just shift
Lavinia: and if I can cover up
Orlando: we can get through this decently, you have a beautiful body, here's to you Mrs Robinson
Lavinia: ok dustin, it's time I got dressed, would you mind?
Orlando: would you mind turning off the shower
(laughter)
Orlando: I've only got four words to right this situation
Lavinia: all repaired tomorrow morning?
Orlando: you, me, dinner, tonight
Lavinia: as long as I model something nicer than this towel
Orlando: I'll drop in at 7.30!
2-3-4
INT: RESTAURANT
FX PIANO MUSIC IN BACKGROUNDOrlando: may I recommend the Raspberry Cranachan, favourite of mine from Scotland
Lavinia: doesn't that have whisky in
Orlando: go on be a devil, it's all on my credit card
Lavinia: Vintage Chateaux Fitou, now whisky in my pudding anyone would think you were trying to get me-
Orlando: and would that be so bad? (both laugh)
2-3-5
EXT: CANTERBURY HIGH STREET
FX FOOTSTEPS ON COBBLE
Naz: the bit in the film when he hacked into the grid, rubbish, wouldn't happen that fast
Jade: alright megabyte, calm down
Sting: Oceans Thirteen, awsome
Jade: thanks for holding my hand in the scary bits Sting, must return the favour next time. I'll be fine from here boys
Naz: you sure
Sting: hold up guys I spy the divine Lavinia straight ahead
Naz: who's she with?
Jade: sorry I appear to have left my night vision goggles in my other bag
Sting: her mystery man, she's all over the place look, she just took her blanket thing off, (shouts) Lavinia
SWITCH SOUND CENTER TO LAVINIA
Orlando: Lavinia, your pashmina is slipping off, here let me
Lavinia: chilly out here, I'm feeling a bit woozy
Orlando: may one accompany you home madam
FX "LAVINIA" HEARD IN BACK GROUND
Lavinia: that's my name, I'm hearing my name
Orlando: seems like some one knows you
Lavinia: ooh hello kiddy winks
Sting: (approach) hey Lavinia, alright mate
Orlando: I'm just escorting Lavinia homewards
Naz: we can take the lady from here if she's too much
Orlando: you're chivalry itself but the lady will be satisfied with me
(Lavinia giggles)
Jade: let's leave them to it boys, everyone back to mine, (all moving off) one bed fits all
Sting: shotgun
Naz: sweet dreams Lavinia
(Lavinia giggles)
Orlando: and now for the House of Lavinia and all its secrets
2-3-6
INT: BACK AT HOUSE
FX DOOR SHUTTINGOrlando: that's it you sit up straight here, now finish this drink I mixed especially for you, it'll work miracles
Lavinia: shaken not stirred (giggles)
Orlando: the nights not over yet, that's it, I think that you're a bit drunk aren't you, you've drunk too much
FX ORLANDO'S VOICE GOES FUNNY - WE HEAR IT AS LAVINIA AS SHE SLIPS UNDER INFLUENCE OF DRUG IN HER DRINK
'Crime Crackers' Episode 8
2-3-7
INT: INSIDE HOUSE
Naz: Lavinia, Lavinia wake up
Lavinia: uuurgh what who
Naz: Lavinia where's your Mr. Darcy
Lavinia: urg my head, he's just, he um must have left, oh dear
FX TV GETS SWITCHED ON
Lavinia: oh no Naz no noise
Naz: shush hang on a minute
TV news: stolen last night from Canterbury Art gallery an icon of human anguish, (go from room acoustic to perfect acoutic) Edvard Munch's The Scream, is said to be valued at £40million, it was (back to room acoustic) being displayed as part of a nationwide tour
Lavinia: (groans) my head I'll give them Scream
FX RADIO BEING SWITCHED OFF
Naz: right, off to the medicine cabinet with you
Naz: (internal) forty million pounds worth of art vanished, Wow that's the building right beside us, think our next case has found us, (back to room acoutic) Crime Crackers, coming ready or not
Lavinia: (groans)