'The Canterbury Vampires' - radio soap 2003
GUY FAWKES NIGHT - EMILY HORWICH
4.1.1
Monday, 8pm. Interior. Characters: Tyra, Lisette.
TYRA'S BEDROOM. THE DJ CAN BE HEARD ON THE RADIO IN THE BACKGROUND, ADVERTISING
THE COPS AND ROBBERS THEME NIGHT AT THE VENUE. TYRA AND LISETTE ARE GETTING
READY TO GO OUT. (mood: 2 excited ugly sisters from Cinderella getting
ready for the ball?) "We are with" Lisette…
1. TYRA: Watch out Lisette! You're going to rip it!
2. LISETTE: Hey! I can fit into this silky stripy dress, no problem.
3. TYRA: Yeah, I hope so. I love that dress. It's really expensive. Here,
let me do it. (Goes over to the mirror in heels and starts tugging on Lisette's
dress).
4. LISETTE: Get off me Tyra! You'll mess my up my lipstick
5. TYRA: Well, I was going to redo that for you as well. You look like
a clown.
6. LISETTE: (under her breath) Bitch!
7. TYRA: The colour is too dark, you've smudged it all over your face.
8. LISETTE: Will you just chill? There. That looks nice. See?
9. TYRA: Sure. For a size 14 trying to squeeze into a size 10... (she walks
back over to the dressing table) Lipstick Where is it? This drawer…
(starts rummaging through drawer)
10. LISETTE: You can talk! You make Jennifer Lopez's posterior look rather
inferior.
11. TYRA: ....shut up! Chancer likes big booty, he loves it. In fact, I
think he's tasty! He wants me. Everyone wants me. Hey! Turn the radio up!
12. FX: DJ ON RADIO ....still no news on the appalling events of Halloween
night where one of our students lost her life in a tragic bloodthirsty
battle which the police are still investigating.... which reminds me: Bonfire
Night is approaching, tonight it's cops and robbers theme night at the
Venue… (FADE OUT)
13. TYRA: (interrupting over the last sentence which fades out)... alright,
turn it off, we know about tonight!
14. LISETTE: Will you hurry up!? I'm almost done.
15. TYRA: Yep. Hope Chancer hits on me…
16. LISETTE: Wanna borrow my wonderbra to maximize your chances?
17. TYRA: (offended) That won't be necessary, thanks. Hmph!
18. LISETTE: Hmmmm…
19. DJ SMOOTH …. and your favourite DJ, (me) will be mixing some toons
on the table. Come on out we're calling on all you pigs out there to get
down and dirty. If you're really good, we'll throw in some donuts as freebies...and
to get you into the mood, how about some (dark somber music which although
faded out (for lines 11-15) will then fade back in to make music bridge
into tunnel scene. Enigma? Massive Attack? Dark and macabre....)
MUSIC FADES IN TO CREATE BRIDGE FOR 4.1.2
GUY FAWKES NIGHT - EMILY HORWICH
4.1.2
Monday 8.15pm. Interior. Characters: Aurora, Brenton.
MUSIC FROM PREVIOUS CROSS FADES OUT INTO TUNNELS ATMOS. BRENTON AND AURORA
ARE CARRYING OUT ORDERS FROM MORPHEUS FOR THE UPCOMING KIDNAP. THEY ARE
TO BUILD A CAGE THAT TYRA WILL BE TRAPPED IN. IT'S DIFFICULT AND THEY ARE
ANNOYED. THERE IS BANGING AND CLANGING THROUGHOUT THE SCENE.
20. AURORA: The stupid door won't fit on. (banging, clanging, squeaking
as she forces the hinges...)
21. BRENTON: That's because the hinges aren't welded on properly, moron...
22. AURORA: Well, weld them on properly then, smarty. (Smash!) (Frustrated)-
you didn't tell me why Morpheus is making us do this. What's the idea this
time? Let me guess, we're going to wipe out the whole of Cantebury again?
23. . BRENTON: I told you, we're making a cage to kidnap Tyra in. Pliers?
24. AURORA: (hands him pliers) Tyra? What's she ever done to Morpheus?
25. BRENTON: Well, after all, she is pretty keen on Chancer. You know Morhpeus
is well touchy about that...
26. AURORA: I wonder why he's so protective over him? Maybe he digs him
too!?! Screwdriver please.
27. BRENTON: (hands her the screwdriver) As if! Nah, I'm sure he's straight.
Wasn't he married once?
28. AURORA: Yeah, but then, so was Elton John… Anyway, I wouldn't
mind a quickie with Chancer. I don't want her getting those perfectly manicured
hands all over him. Gimme the hammer.
29. BRENTON: You're always going for guys well out of your league and then
rejected!
30. SPOT: AURORA STARTS BANGING.
31. BRENTON: And stop banging on nail like that. It's crooked! Here, allow
me…
32. AURORA: No! I'm doing it. Pass me the power tool.
33. BRENTON: (sniggers) Here Madam. (passes her the tool).
MORE BANGING AND FUMBLING AROUND. SHE GRUNTS AND GROANS. HUM OF POWER TOOL.
PAUSE. SHORT SILENCE.
34. AURORA: So why's he kidnapping her? Why doesn't he just eat her like
everybody else?
35. AURORA: Wants something from her 'magical' little friends.Don't really
know....grab that. Lets try the door again.
GREAT MASSIVE CRASH AS DOOR FAILS AGAIN. YOU CAN HEAR "BLAST!"
AND "BOTHER" WHISPERED UNDER THEIR BREATH.
STRAIGHT CUT
GUY FAWKES NIGHT - EMILY HORWICH
4.1.3
Monday night, 1.45am. Interior. Characters: DJ, Lisette, Charity, Girl
in toilets.
VENUE ATMOS (MUSIC PLAYING (Pink Floyd: Another Brick in The Wall) FOR
CHORUS THEN FADE OUT, BUT KEEP AS MUSIC BED THROUGHOUT. LYRICS: We don't
need no education, we don't need no thought control, no dark sarcasm in
the classroom, teachers leave the kids alone)
36. DJ: (over the mic) That's right, cops and robbers, we don't need no
education, leave those kids alone!...especially you cops out there. There's
nothing like a bunch of babes in uniform...grrr...(to passer by) nice helmet!
Hope you're enjoying yourselves tonight... coming up, we have The Long
Pigs! (Lisette is tugging at his sleeve. Off mic, close up) What? What
do you want? Can't you see I'm tending to my fans?
37. LISETTE: Have you seen my friend, Tyra? I can't find her. Can you put
a call out?
38. DJ: And say what? Seen a chick named Tyra - dressed as Myra Hindley?
I'm a DJ, not a private investigator. (back to mic) So, once again, bunk
up with your cellmates and get yourselves into trouble....
39. LISETTE: Thanks for nothing, wiseguy. (walks on...sees Charity) And
by the way, she's a cop, not a robber. Hey! Chazza, what's up?
40. CHARITY: Lizzy!
41. LISETTE: Nice dress by the way, would have looked really good last
season...
42. CHARITY: Might give it to you when I'm done with it.
43. LISETTE: Tyra. I can't find her. You seen her?
44. CHARITY: Nope. Last spotted walking out with some hunky guy... Leather
jacket, tight jeans, black boots… Schawing! Might wanna check the
toilets, I heard some groaning in there earlier.
45. LISETTE: 'Kay, thanks for nothing. (Walks off again)
46. DJ: (we are with him) Alright everyone! DJ Smooth's in da house! (cheer)
Y'all having fun? (cheer) I can see some nice moves out there. Surely some
of those can't be legal? Keep 'em coming, next up we have "deathwish"
by Police…. (fade out)
47. LISETTE: (bathroom door opens) Tyra? You in here?
48. GIRL IN TOILETS: (yelling over cubicle) No, she's not. But I saw her
walk out with this hot geezer ages ago. She's been pretty randy lately.
She was definitely on the pull. My guess is, you won't see her till tomorrow....
49. LISETTE: (opening door and walking out back into Venue atmos) 'Kay,
thanks. (to herself) Shoot. Where could she be? I wonder if anything's
happened?
13. DJ: (fade this up slowly) Alright, yo, wrap it up cops and robbers.
It's almost 2 O'clock! Time to go home...! Don't you have each other's
beds to go home to?! Well, whatever you do, don't get yourselves arrested.
FADE UP MUSIC FOR "I SHOT THE SHERIFF", LET IT LAST A BIT, AND THEN STEEP FADE OUT OF IT INTO NEXT SCENE (SHEARING CROSSFADE).
GUY FAWKES NIGHT - EMILY HORWICH
4.1.4
Monday night, 2 am. Interior. Characters: Tyra, Morpheus.
SERIOUS MUSIC BRIDGE INTO TUNNEL ATMOS. TYRA IS FRIGHTENED, GAGGED, AGITATED
AND MUTTERING THROUGH THE GAG. SHE'S NOT SCREAMING, BUT ALMOST. HE WALKS
IN.
50. MORPHEUS: Oooooh....Well, well, well - what have we here? A poor helpless
thaumatological damsel in distress? How splendid. Welcome to the forces
of darkness. Here, the strong (that's me) rule the weak (that's you).
51. TYRA: (stifled) Arrgh!..... Grrrr.....mmmmm.....
52. MORPHEUS: What's all the fuss? Do stop going on in that way, you're
aggravating my migraine. You're really being quite overdramatic. It's very
simple. I've captured you because I require your assistance for a rather
exceptional contrivance I've been preparing.....
53. TYRA: (again, muffled)....mmm...fffff.....oh oo elll (Go to hell...)
54. MORPHEUS: What's that you say? Go to hell? Ha! Been there, done that...
HE WALKS OUT ONCE MORE. FADE OUT TUNNELS ATMOS.
GUY FAWKES NIGHT - EMILY HORWICH
4.2.1
Tuesday, 9am. Interior. Characters: Charity, Penelope.
ATMOS OF CHARITY'S KITCHEN. THE KETTLE IS BOILING. SOMETHING IS FRYING.
EARLY MORNING. CHARITY IS WITH PENELOPE. CHARITY WALKS AROUND KITCHEN MAKING
BREAKFAST, POURING COFFEE, FLIPPING EGGS OVER, OPENING MICROWAVE DOOR ETC.
CHARI'TY'S FRIEND IS SITTING AT THE TABLE.
1. CHARITY: White with sugar?
2. PENELOPE: No, black without.
3. CHARITY: You'd think I would know that by now! Gosh, I'm so tired. Why
are we up again?
4. PENELOPE: We're going to study. (Doorbell rings) Remember?
5. CHARITY: Oh yes.... That rings a bell. (goes to door)
6. PENELOPE: Too early for puns, Chaz. But nice one.
7. CHARITY: (Opens door- outside acoustic) Thanks.
8. PENELOPE: Expecting someone? Bit early, isn't it?
9. CHARITY: Oh! It's a parcel. (looking out and around) Hello? Hello? (shuts
door) Strange. Nobody there. (Walks back to table)
10. PENELOPE: Is it for you?
11. CHARITY: Looks like it. Box of chocolates? Don't recognise the handwriting
though. Looks like it has been written with a fountain pen! Purple ink!
Quaint! (Microwave pings)
12. PENELOPE: Come on then! Open it.
13. CHARITY: But who's it from? Eggs?
14. PENELOPE: Who's Eggs?
15. CHARITY: No, dummy! Eggs?
16. PENELOPE: Oh! Sorry. Yes, two. Come on then - you won't know who it's
from unless you open it. (Charity serves up breakfast).
17. CHARITY: (teasing) Or..... I could wait till after breakfast?
18. PENELOPE: (over dramatically, horrified) NO!
19. CHARITY'S: Ok! Alright! PENELOPE, you really need to get out more!
Here goes...
STRAIGHT CUT INTO 4.2.2
GUY FAWKES NIGHT - EMILY HORWICH
4.2.2
Tuesday, 9.15 am. Interior. Characters: Morpheus, Tyra.
TUNNELS ATMOS. 9.30 TUESDAY MORNING. TYRA STILL GAGGED.
20. MORPHEUS: And thus on the eve of Guy Fawkes (who, coincidentally, I
had lunch with in 1605), when the bonfire has been assembled, the lovingly
fashioned cage (built by my gruesome twosome) will make its way from the
tunnels to the centre of the timber pyre in Augustine's Abbey. At that
point, you will be coaxed inside it, and be on your best behaviour until
we have retrieved the potion from your friends.
21. TYRA: (muffled through gag) uh oh hun? (The potion?)
22. MORPHEUS: That's "the uh oh hun, master" to you. (sternly)
Yes, the potion. Why are you giving me the impression that you're not listening?
And pass me that weekly copy of the Haemorrhage. I haven't read the vampire
news for decades-literally.
23. TYRA: Mmmm......gg.......frr..ss.r.........
24. MORPHEUS: What's that? Articulate. Oh, you're gagged. Of course. Right,
well if you're an obedient captive, I will remove the cords for you. De
Acuerdo?
25. TYRA: (muffled) Uh-huh. (he removes gag. Her voice is tired, she has
been struggling for ages. Her voice is still gurgling a bit..). Thank you.
26. SPOT: NEWSPAPER RUSTLE AS HE TURNS THE PAGE.
27. MORPHEUS: (Referring to paper) Ugh. Dusty! (turns another page) Oh
pump! A curse has defanged Theodore. Shame. Nevermind, rumour had it he'd
overdosed on a particularly bad cultivation of white blood cells. That'll
teach him. (back toTyra) What did you say?
28. TYRA: (tired, bored of his formalities) Sir, I was listening. That's
not at all the way......
29. MORPHEUS: That's Master, I was listening….
30. TYRA: (mumbling, a bit scared but still groggy) Please mister....
31. MORPHEUS: Master!
32. TYRA: Master, what potion?
33. MORPHEUS: Oh yes, my ingenious scheme! The potion that your little
friends are making for yours truly, of course. The one which will make
me immune to light and heat long enough to come out on Guy Fawke's night
and....and.....well, the rest is for me to know and you to find out. (to
himself, pleased with his plan, giggles) How devilish.
34. TYRA: Is that a threat?
35. MORPHEUS: Most definitely. Scared, aren't you?
36. TYRA: Well, yes, a little bit actually. But you've a fatal flaw. My
"little friends" will notice I'm gone, they'll look for me, won't
they?
37. MORPHEUS: Probably not. In fact, that cute little blonde with a perk
pair of…personalities(!?)is reading a note from me as we speak.....
38. TYRA: (quietly) Charity!
39. MORPHEUS: ....and if she has any reasoning at all, she won't be looking
for you until the time is right. And I shall decide when that is. Clever,
aren't I? (He gets up from chair)... (louder) Aren't I?
40. TYRA: (under her breath) Yes, master.
SILENCE. HE KEEPS READING THE PAPER. CROSSFADE FROM ATMOS TO A FEW SECONDS
OF SCARY "WARNING/SUSPENSE" MUSIC. EG: JAWS!
GUY FAWKES NIGHT - EMILY HORWICH
4.2.3
Tuesday 9.30 am. Interior. Characters: Charity, Penelope.
CHARITY'S KITCHEN. STRAIGHT AFTER PREVIOUS SCENE. CHARITY IS PANICKING.
SHE'S PACING UP AND DOWN.
1. PENELOPE: You opened it without me! How rude!? So what's in the parcel?
Oh. Chaz? What's up? Why are you pacing like that? Stop pacing!
2. CHARITY: (gasp) I don't believe it! I can't believe this!
3. PENELOPE: Hey! STOP PACING. Snap out of it. What's going on? You like
the chocolates?
4. CHARITY: Chocolates?! I wish! That was a tape recorder with a message
inside. Tyra has been kidnapped!
5. PENELOPE: What? Kidnapped? What for?! Who sent the message?
6. CHARITY: No idea, they made it clear they meant business. Go and get
Professor Williams right away for me.
7. PENELOPE: You're freaking me out!
8. CHARITY: Well, listen to what's on the tape.....
9. FX: RECORDED VOICE OF MORPHEUS: (scary underscoring music) My dear Charity.
Beyond the world that you know and love live greater people. We thrive
on human blood for survival. Thick and warm, sweet and runny. Fresh from
the vein. Fuelled by True Hunger, our appetites increase. Your friend the
rather yummy Tyra is by side, and she assures me your utmost will to cooperate
with my demands. By tomorrow, dusk, I necessitate a potion to make me immune
to heat and light. Do not ask yourself why, merely execute the task. A
follower of mine will knock thrice on your door to retrieve the concoction.
Further instructions will follow.
MUSIC BRIDGE. THE VOICE OF MORPHEUS CONTINUES BUT THE ACOUSTIC CHANGES
INTO THE TUNNELS SO THAT WE GO WITH MORPHEUS. 4.2.4b
GUY FAWKES NIGHT - EMILY HORWICH
4.2.4
WE ARE WITH MORPHEUS IN THE TUNNELS. SAME MESSAGE AS 4.2.3, BUT FROM THE
TUNNELS AS HE TAPED IT.
MORPHEUS: .....Should you fail to fulfil my request, you shall live the
rest of your days in extreme discomfort. Mark my words carefully, make
your decision within the space of seven breaths. Time is precious, as is
your friend's life - is that not so?
Yours, Morpheus.
EXTENDED MUSIC STING WITH A RISE IN CLIMAX AS MENACE OF SPEECH CLIMAXES.
JAWS-LIKE MUSIC AGAIN FROM 4.2.2.
GUY FAWKES NIGHT - EMILY HORWICH
4.2.5
Tuesday, 10am. Interior. Characters: Charity, Mrs. Williams.
CHARITY'S KITCHEN ATMOS. WE HEAR THE CLICK OF THE STOP FUNCTION AS SHE
TURNS OFF THE TAPE RECORDER. CHARITY IS SOBBING.
1. CHARITY: (repeating)... time is precious...
2. MRS WILLIAMS: (establishing presence) Hmmm...
3. CHARITY: What do I do now, Mrs Williams? Who is it from?
4. MRS WILLIAMS: Never you mind. I've a pretty good idea. Right, so we
need to make a potion which makes "one" immune to heat and light.
5. CHARITY: But, Professor W....
6. MRS WILLIAMS: Shoot. You're not meant to do that until your third year.
7. CHARITY: Surely we're not going to.....
8. MRS WILLIAMS: It's very complicated, and I have never made it in under
a week before.
9. CHARITY: You don't mean.....!?
10. MRS WILLIAMS: We had better get a move on.
11. CHARITY: We're just going ahead with this psycho's demands!?
12. MRS. WILLIAMS: I recommend you follow my instructions. Trust me on
this one. Consider your seven breaths up, your decision is made. How do
you plead in the face of danger?
13. CHARITY: (nonchalantly) Me? Well, I laugh in the face of danger...
14. MRS WILLIAMS: That's good!
15. CHARITY: …..and then I hide until it goes away….
16. MRS. WILLIAMS: Ah. We'll work on that. We have to get through this
the only way we know how, with a lot of magic!
17. CHARITY: Got it.
18. MRS. WILLIAMS: And one last thing...
19. CHARITY: Yes?
20. MRS. WILLIAMS: (silence) No one to know about this. We will not involve
the police, clear?
21. CHARITY: Crystal. Yes.
22. MRS. WILLIAMS: Good. Well, time is precious, he's right. Let's go.
23. CHARITY: Go?
24. MRS WILLIAMS: Yes, go! Down to the lab. We need Justin's help. Hurry
up! (They start gathering things together and we hear banging and clashing
of kitchen utensils as well as footsteps as they rush around frantically.)
Bring your wand and polish your cauldron. We're going to make sparks fly.
DOOR SLAMS BEHIND THEM AS THEY LEAVE. SILENCE.
GUY FAWKES NIGHT - EMILY HORWICH
4.3.1
Wednesday, 8am. Interior. Characters: Mrs. Williams, Charity.
CHEMISTRY LAB ATMOS. THE TENSION IS HIGH. THEY'RE DESPERATE. POTION IS
NOT FINISHED. THERE ARE THINGS BUBBLING AWAY, CLINKING OF GLASS TEST TUBES,
PESTLE AND MORTAR ETC. SOUND CENTRE IS WITH CHARITY.
1. MRS. WILLIAMS: (approach, position 4, Charity is breathing heavily)
Wake up! Hey! Charity, stop snoozing!
2. CHARITY: Huh? Did I doze off?
3. MRS WILLIAMS: Your watch strap mark is embedded on your forehead!
4. CHARITY: That answers that, then!
5. FX: CHAIR SCRAPES AS SHE GETS UP.
6. CHARITY: Cripes! It's 8 O'clock! How is the potion going? Did you do
it?
7. MRS. WILLIAMS: No. It's not going well.
8. CHARITY: (disappointed) Oh.
9. MRS WILLIAMS: I can't do it, I simply don't have enough time. Justin
has run off to get me flameproof spray and ice cubes.
10. CHARITY: Right.....
11. MRS WILLIAMS: Then he has to find me a fire extinguisher.
12. CHARITY: (sleepy) Fire extinguisher?
13. MRS WILLIAMS: (Charity is to react throughout this speech) The water
won't boil, my salt solution won't dissolve,. The water won't boil because
the bunsen burner isn't at its hottest, the bunsen burner isn't at its
hottest because I'm not allowed to turn it up that high without a regulated
fire extinguisher in the room.
14. CHARITY: I see.
15. MRS. WILLIAMS: Things are really not going my way! You'll have to negotiate
an extension with Morpheus.
16. CHARITY: But, but, we have plenty of time still! The potion's not due
until after nightfall. It's only 8! Come on Mrs. W, we can do it, right?
17. MRS. WILLIAMS: No, I'm afraid not. We are not born immune to heat,
as you well know! The "light" part of the spell I can handle,
but the "heat" part is a problem. Won't happen that fast. You
must arrange to meet Morpheus. I will tell you how to get to his lair.
Bring a cross.
18. CHARITY: (panicking) Lair!? Is he a lion? I'm...I'm... lionophobic!
You go! A cross!? Why? I don't have one!
19. MRS. WILLIAMS: Because I said so. We agreed you would do what I say
without asking questions? You had better go and buy a cross now, hadn't
you?
20. CHARITY: I can't. The campus shop is shut until 9.
21. MRS. WILLIAMS: So it looks like you're going for a walk into town.
Go on! Off you go. Chop chop. Quick as you can.
CHARITY WALKS TO THE DOOR AND OPENS IT. BRING UP BUBBLING AS A BRIDGE TO
SHOW PASSING OF TIME. FADE IN SOME MUSIC TO UNDERSCORE UPCOMING SPELL (SEE
4.3.2)
GUY FAWKES NIGHT - EMILY HORWICH
4.3.2
Wednesday, 8.15am. Interior. Characters: Mrs. Williams and Justin.
CHEMISTRY LAB. MUSIC IS SHORT AND RISES TO CLIMAX WITH HER
1. MRS WILLIAMS: (making potion, melodramatically) Calling all the powers
that be, help me stew spells, let my mind free. Butterfly wings? Or nutmeg
delight? Fresh pureed ferns? Which one is right?
2. SPOT: LOUD KNOCK ON DOOR ON LAST LINE
3. FX: MUSIC COMES TO END.SILENCE (EXCEPT BUBBLES STILL).
4. MRS. WILLIAMS: (exasperated) Who is it?
5. JUSTIN: (opens door as he speaks) It's me! Justin!
6. MRS. WILLIAMS: Oh, good. Did you get the stuff I asked for?
7. JUSTIN: Where's Charity?
8. MRS. WILLIAMS: Gone to buy a cross. So, get it?
9. JUSTIN: Yes, got it. When will she be back?
10. MRS. WILLIAMS: I don't know. Depends what Morpheus wants her to do.
I sent her to beg for an extension...I just won't be able to finish this
on time. I can't crack it!
11. JUSTIN: So, no improvement on you-know-what then?
12. MRS WILLIAMS: None. Nothing has changed since you left. Will you peel
the sandlewood sticks? Thanks.
13. JUSTIN. Sure. You know, I was thinking.... this might be really silly.....
14. MRS. WILLIAMS: What?!
15. JUSTIN: Don't laugh if it's wrong.....I don't know much about magic
16. MRS. WILLIAMS: Yes?
17. JUSTIN: ...... about the heat thing....
18. MRS. WILLIAMS: Come on Justin! Spit it out!
19. JUSTIN: ....rather than trying to create a heat-resistant spell, would
it not be possible to cast a simple burning spell, right? And contravene
it with a stronger counter-spell, like an antidote? (uncertainly) Mrs.
Williams?
20. MRS WILLIAMS: Of course! A double negative! You genius! Why didn't
I think of that?! Brilliant!
21. JUSTIN: But, it's too late. Charity has already left to see Morpheus?
22. MRS. WILLIAMS: No! She had to go to town to get the cross....so, run!
Go and find her! I'm sure she's not back yet!
23. JUSTIN: Ok, consider it done. See ya'! Good luck.
HE GOES OUT OF THE DOOR, AND WE HEAR HER CHUCKLE WITH DELIGHT AND THEN
TO HERSELF SHE SAYS:
1. MRS WILLIAMS: I'll get on with it.
2. SPOT: SHE STARTS POURING LIQUID FROM ONE CONTAINER (GLASS) TO THE NEXT.
UNDERSCORING MUSIC FOR REST OF SPEECH.
3. MRS WILLIAMS: Ok, Morpheus. Pay-back time. One heat-resistant potion
coming up, mixed with a light-repellent inoculation, and....a very large
dose of sucrose too. (STOP POURING) Not expecting that, are you?! I don't
think there was a contraband to spiking your potion in Charity's message?
4. SPOT: (WE HEAR A PLOP! (WATERDROP IN SINK?) AND THEN SHE SCREWS A CAP
ON TO A JAR. FOR LAST LINES SHE IS TURNING BUNSEN BURNER OFF, TEST TUBES
STOP BUBBLING, MORE CLINKING OF GLASS AS SHE TIDIES UP, LIGHT SWITCHES
GO OFF...
5. MRS WILLIAMS: Revenge is sweeter than blood...Oh, Abigail, you are a
wicked woman! (Chuckle, makes final spell) Give me the power, the strength
and the might. One for the heat, and one for the light. The potion you
asked for, almost to the T? What will the sucrose do? Let's wait and see.
MUSIC CLIMAXES AGAIN LIKE FOR FIRST SPELL EARLIER ON.
GUY FAWKES NIGHT - EMILY HORWICH
4.3.3
Wednesday, 10am.Exterior.Characters: Justin, Charity
ELIOT FOOT PATH. JUSTIN IS OUT OF BREATH.RUNS TOWARDS CHARITY. THE SOUND
CENTRE IS WITH CHARITY, HALFWAY UP THE HILL THROUGHOUT.
1. JUSTIN: Charity! (more running as he approaches and slows down). Over
here, behind you! Charity!Charity!
2. CHARITY: Oh, hey Just. Wazz up?
3. JUSTIN : Been going crazy looking for you. Guess what?
4. CHARITY: (hopefully) This was all a big joke, Tyra is fine, it was all
a dream?
5. JUSTIN: Almost. I found a solution to the spell problem, Professor Williams
is finishing it as we speak. You don't have to see Morpheus!
6. CHARITY: Cool! Thanks. Nice one!
7. JUSTIN: Yes, it is, rather.... so, do I get a reward? A little kiss,
maybe?
8. CHARITY: Not yet, prince charming. I've still got to get the potion
to these freaks, right? My ordeal is not yet over....
9. FX: THE NEXT TWO LINES FADE OUT AS THEY WALK AWAY.
10. JUSTIN: Come on, let's at least go and get a coffee, right?
11. CHARITY: Sure. Oh, and what shall I do with this cross? Do you want
it?
GUY FAWKES NIGHT - EMILY HORWICH
4.3.4
Wednesday, afternoon. Interior. Characters: Morpheus, Brenton and Aurora.
FADE IN THREATENING TUNNEL MUSIC AND ATMOS. BRENTON AND AURORA ARE MAKING
SANDWICHES. FACTORY ATMOS. MORPHEUS IS WATCHING. NOISE OF CONVEYOR BELT
WITH LOTS OF VAMPIRES CHATTERING, SANDWICH WRAPPERS RUSTLING, AND SANDWICHES
MECHANICALLY BEING FILLED UP. (THOUGHTLESSLY)
1. MORPHEUS: So, Brenton? Aurora? You got that?
2. BRENTON AND AURORA: Yes, Master.
3. AURORA: We meet Charity tonight when night has fallen...
4. MORPHEUS: Yes, let's be fashionably late! (grunt) Good. Let her stew
a bit...
5. AURORA: ..and then get the potion and tell her to make more of it for
Guy Fawkes night. She's to meet us at 10 to six at the abbey, and in return
for the rest of the potion, we'll tell her the whereabouts of Tyra.
6. MORPHEUS: Yes. In the wire mesh cage inside the bonfire. Kinky...
7. BRENTON: (bored) We bring the potion to you. You come out of the tunnels.
You get on with the plan and kill everybody.
8. MORPHEUS: Yes, Exactamente. I'm determined to suck at this party. Ha!
Suck at the party! Clever, aren't I?......(no answer)......aren't I!!!?
9. AURORA + BRENTON: Yes, your lordship.
10. MORPHEUS: I know. Now quit slacking and get on with those Egg and Cressesess?!...
and stop sucking up to me....ha ha ha ha! There I go again!...
MORE PACKAGING FOR A FEW SECONDS AND THEN FADE OUT. BRING IN SIG MUSIC.
GUY FAWKES NIGHT - EMILY HORWICH
4.4.1
DUSK. CHARITY IS WAITING BY THE ABBEY, NEAR THE OLD DOOR AWAY FROM THE
BONFIRE. WE CAN HEAR HER THINKING TO HERSELF, PACING OCCASIONALLY.
1. CHARITY: (anxious, babbling) Oh my goodness, it's almost ten to six.
I'm so nervous! This abbey's a bit creepy... walls are crumbling down and
the weeds are growing up through the cracks...dodgy! I hope this Brenton
and Aurora come soon. What if they're armed? There's no-one around to help
me, the party hasn't even started yet! I'm probably being silly, they were
alright yesterday. Gosh, that bonfire's going to be huge! You could fit
a whole person inside it! Come on, vampire freaks, where are you? I'm ready
for you! As long as I save Tyra, everything will be fine...
EXTRA-DIAGETIC MUSIC (FRIGHTENING) UNDER HER MONOLOGUE AS A STING. RISES
TO CLIMAX.
GUY FAWKES NIGHT - EMILY HORWICH
4.4.2
BRENTON AND AURORA ARE APPROACHING TOWARDS CHARITY. WE ARE WITH THEM...
THEY'RE HURRYING ALONG.
2. BRENTON: Watch where you're going! Aurora!
3. AURORA: It's these shoes! I can't help it.
4. BRENTON: Yes, they were made for cobbled streets in the 18th Century
- not best suited to this occasion.
5. AURORA: All right, all right. Let's get this over with.
6. BRENTON: Stop a moment.
7. SPOT: THEY STOP
8. AURORA: What?
9. BRENTON: So, you did exactly what Morpheus said?
10. AURORA: Affirmative. Nice and snug inside the cage, Tyra, concealed
within the bonfire...all ready to go for 6 O'clock.
11. BRENTON: My guess is, you forgot something. Can't believe you carried
out the task by yourself without messing it up...
12. AURORA: I'll take the bet.
13. CHARITY: (calling and approaching to position 3) Hello? Baddies? Is
that you?
14. AURORA: Oh, Charity. Ok, enough of the sweet-talk, darling. Give us
the potion.
15. BRENTON: (STOP WALKING) Not like that, Aurora! Allow me. Hello, gorgeous.
You're looking good! Nice necklace, looks edible
16. CHARITY: yelp!
17. BRENTON: ...mind if I...
18. AURORA: Hey! Control your animal instincts, Brenton. We're not here
to flirt, we're here to score.
19. BRENTON: I am! I was just about to!
20. AURORA: To score the potion, not the mademoiselle, doofus.
21. CHARITY: You're both very strange. Very strange. And you're scaring
the life out of me.
22. BRENTON: Great. Good. Well, now that we're introduced, let's get on
with the business, shall we?
23. CHARITY: (confident/menacing) Where's Tyra?
24. BRENTON: Oooh Foxy! Tyra! She's hot!
25. AURORA: (shocked whisper) Oy! You just gave it away.
26. BRENTON: (aside, back as whisper) No I didn't.
27. AURORA: (aside, whisper again) Just by saying that she was hot now
everyone knows she's in the bonfire.
28. CHARITY: She's what!!??? (CHARITY RUNS TOWARDS BONFIRE). Tyra! I'm
coming to find you!
29. BRENTON: No I didn't give it away. You said she's in the bonfire.
30. AURORA: I did not, you started it.....
31. BRENTON: Hey! Look what Charity's doing!
32. FX: THEY BOTH RUN AFTER HER.
33. AURORA: Stop that!
34. FX: THEY RUN OFF.
GUY FAWKES NIGHT - EMILY HORWICH
4.4.3
35. FX: SCARY MUSIC. DOOM. MEANWHILE BACK IN THE TUNNELS.... CLUNKING NOISES
OF MANY VAMPIRES EMPTYING MILK OUT OF BOTTLES.
36. MORPHEUS: Right! Now hurry up with that packaging! We've got to get
all the milk out for all the blood to go in... Can't very well get away
with this if it looks like milk, can we? (GETTING EXCITED...STARTS CHANTING
WITH A BEAT) Come on, milk out, blood in....milk out, blood in... chant
with me, minions!...
37. FX: CHORUS OF VERY OUT OF TUNE AND SQUEAKY VAMPIRES CHANTING BADLY.
38. MORPHEUS: That's enough! (THEY STOP) Yes, Fernanda?
39. FERNANDA: Well, it's just that, I was wondering if it's time to go
out yet? To expose myself, to get out and about, to wang it around, to
see if the grub's up? You know?
40. MORPHEUS: Oh, I see. You want to go to the bonfire because you've got
the munchies?
41. FERNANDA: That's right. Exactly. So...
42. MORPHEUS: (teases him, then decisively) No, you can't. It's not time
yet. But almost. And it's going to be great when it happens. Imagine the
look on Charity's face when she finds out her little friend is going to
be Mademoiselle Guy Fawkes!... Keep on with the bottles! And then Tyra
dies, you get the potion, I drink the potion, become immune to heat and
light, then I go out and make this a party to remember....! I'm brilliant.
I'm an absolute genius. Now you say it.... (BARKS) Say it!
FERNANDA: Genius. You're a genius...
MORPHEUS: And I'm brilliant.
FERNANDA: And you're brilliant.
MORPHEUS: Waterloo! It's the Abba special on Top of the Pops 2. I have
to go! Now run along.
GUY FAWKES NIGHT - EMILY HORWICH
4.4.4
AT THE ABBEY. CHARITY IS FRANTICALLY GOING THROUGH THE BONFIRE LOOKING
FOR TYRA. WE ARE WITH BONFIRE.
43. CHARITY: (calling) Tyra? Tyra? Where are you?
44. SPOT: BRENTON AND AURORA ARRIVE AT THE SCENE OUT OF BREATH.
45. AURORA: (menacingly) Hey missus, you forgot something, didn't you?
The deal was we get the rest of the potion, and you get the girl, correct?
46. CHARITY: (scared, preoccupied, busy rummaging through twigs and wood
looking for Tyra) Yes, yes - here's your potion.
47. BRENTON: (pleased, relieved) Aaaaah.
48. CHARITY: Now can I look for Tyra?
49. AURORA: Yep. Good luck. Have a nice time. In a rush. Off we go. Bye.
50. BRENTON: Not so fast. What about me and Charity making sweet music
together?....
51. CHARITY: No way!
52. BRENTON: .....We could go for a meal...Come back to mine? I'll show
you my hypodermic collection?
53. CHARITY: Ugh. You're disgusting. (still searching) Tyra? Tyra?
54. AURORA: (grabbing him and walking away) Get over yourself. Come on,
we have to go. They're going to light the bonfire in a minute...
55. BRENTON: (Brenton and Aurora start to move off) This is all getting
very hot... (sarcastic) That poor girl...
56. CHARITY: Tyra! Tyra! Where are you?... I'm running out of time...Tyra!
Tyra!
57. BRENTON + AURORA: (from position 4, still moving off) Sing "Burn
baby burn, burn baby burn, disco inferno!".
FADE OUT ON LAST TWO "TYRA!"S AND GO TO SILENCE.
GUY FAWKES NIGHT - EMILY HORWICH
4.5.1
IN THE TUNNELS. DRIPPING LOO. MORPHEUS IS PEEING IN THE VAMPIRE TOILETS...HE'S
HAVING A LITTLE GIGGLE TO HIMSELF.
58. MORPHEUS: (absentmindedly singing...) Burn baby burn, diso inferno!
(chuckles to himself)
59. SPOT: TOILET SEAT GOES UP. ZIP COMES DOWN. FIDGETING AROUND WITH HIS
TROUSERS.
60. MORPHEUS: (mimicking girl's voice) Tyra! Tyra! Where are you? Don't
light the fire! I'm scared. Tyra's going to die! Help me! Help me!....(mimicking
presenter's voice over tannoy) It's show time everybody! Welcome to this
year's Guy Fawkes ceremony... I hear that the display will really be spectacular
tonight. Sadly, the main man was fully booked for tonight...but fear not
- we have found a last minute replacement....(buliding it up, getting excited)
please give her a warm welcome...the star of tonight's show is... Miss
Tyra!!! (giggles after toilet has flushed)
61. FX: TOILET FLUSHES.
62. SPOT: LOUD KNOCK ON DOOR
63. MORPHEUS: (Gasp)!
64. SPOT: THE SOUND OF HIS ZIPPER GOING UP ABRUPTLY.
65. MORPHEUS: (Winces)
66. SPOT: KNOCK ON DOOR AGAIN
67. BRENTON: (from outside) Hello? Morpheus? Are you done in there? I've
got the potion....
68. MORPHEUS: (Winces again.)
FADE TO BLACK.
GUY FAWKES NIGHT - EMILY HORWICH
4.5.2
BRING IN SOUNDS OF CROWDS, HAPPY PARTY, AND A FEW SMALL FIRECRACKERS. SOUND
OF BONFIRE CRACKLING, CHARITY AND TYRA ARE SIPPING HOT DRINK.
69. CHARITY: That's alright Tyra, I'm just glad that you're ok. You've
been through a lot!
70. TYRA: Exactly, and they wouldn't lend me a hair brush. I thought I
was going to die!
71. CHARITY: You were going to die...
72. TYRA: Ok, well don't rub it in. You only just got me out in time remember.
Ripping apart that bonfire! Kinda feisty, aren't you?
73. CHARITY: (defensive) Excuse me! Just trying to save your life, you
could be a little more... Professor Williams! Hi!
74. MRS WILLIAMS: Hello girls! Nice to see you both. Tyra - glad you could
make it. The fireworks are about to start. Over there.
75. FX: FIREWORKS START IN THE DISTANCE.
76. CHARITY: Aren't you coming too?
77. MRS WILLIAMS: Not just yet. There's something else I'm keen to watch
first... and in case you were wondering, it's none of your business.
BRING UP FIREWORKS AND CROWD GOING OOOH! AAAH! STRAIGHT CUT.
GUY FAWKES NIGHT - EMILY HORWICH
4.5.3
THE VAMPIRES INCLUDING MORPHEUS ARE SHUFFLING AROUND BY THE DOORWAY LOOKING
AT POTENTIAL PEOPLE TO KILL. WE ARE WITH MORPHEUS.
78. MORPHEUS: Ooooh! Roman Candles! Woooow! Electric Pink!
79. FERNANDA: Busy, isn't it!? Great party. Humans love these kind of celebrations,
eh?
80. MORPHEUS: Orange Sunrise! Ooh, Aaah, Oh! Rather glad we negotiated
that potion, aren't you? Tastes well sweet, but works a treat! Goldfinger,
Starburst and Catherine Wheels too. Mortars and Traffic Lights, Green,
red and blue! I'm starving. How about that stray student over there?
81. FERNANDA: No way! She's much too thin. President of the anorexic society.
Not worth our while. What about...uhh...? (pointing)
82. MORPHEUS: Don't even think about it. She's onto us. That's Professor
Williams. She looks caring and harmless, but I know her well. She'll charm
you, then harm you, coz you're under her spell.
83. FERNANDA: Ooooh! And then what?
84. MORPHEUS: I don't know. Can't think of anything that rhymes...
GUY FAWKES NIGHT - EMILY HORWICH
4.5.4
BACK AT THE BONFIRE. IT'S CRACKLING, PEOPLE ARE LAUGHING, SIPPING DRINKS,
CHATTING, FIREWORKS ARE GOING OFF IN DISTANCE.
85. CHARITY: No, I left Tyra with this bloke she met up at the fast food
stand who appealed to her standards...
86. MRS WILLIAMS: I see... two legs and a....hot dog then?
87. CHARITY: Yes, that's right. Looks like she got over her ordeal quite
fast.
88. MRS WILLIAMS: Indeed!
89. CHARITY: Well, did you find whatever it was you were looking for?
90. MRS WILLIAMS: Oh yes! I couldn't help myself...(smiles, snickers)
91. CHARITY: Come on - share the joke!
92. MRS WILLIAMS: I was watching Morpheus boast about the victims he will
try and bite to death....
93. CHARITY: Eh!?
94. MRS WILLIAMS: (hesitates)... Charity, by now you've figured out that
Morpheus is the leader of a batch of particularly bloodthirsty vampires,
haven't you? He's not very discreet, really, let's face it!
95. CHARITY: Something like that, yeah.
96. MRS WILLIAMS: That day I helped you with the potion, I spiked it with
sucrose so his teeth would fall out! And the poor imbecile has no clue!
97. CHARI|TY: (shocked) Mrs Williams! You never?....How could you possibly....
STEEP FADE ON END OF CONVERSATION
GUY FAWKES NIGHT - EMILY HORWICH
4.5.5
MORPHEUS IS IN FOREST-LIKE ATMOS
98. MORPHEUS: Well, little girl. You look lost? What's a lovely fit young
thing like you doing alone in the woods so late?
99. RANDOM GIRL: What every other fit young thing is doing alone in the
woods, moron. I'm hoping to get some... Where are you from? Pre- history?
You don't even look human!
100. MORPHEUS: Now, that's not very nice, is it? I am human! At least,
on my mother's side. From Transylvania actually. Oh, let's discommode the
formalities. Can't be bothered. Hey - don't look so scared! I don't bite!
(TO HIMSELF - CHUCKLE, "cunning!") I'm trying to get some as
well... I'm going to be honest. I'm frisky and hungry, you're lovely and
lonely. The setting is perfect...all we need now is your gruesome horrible
death. Mind if I have a bite?
101. RANDOM GIRL: (struggling, screams)
102. FX: TEETH FALL OUT.
103. RANDOM GIRL: (frees herself and runs away)
104. MORPHEUS: (with lips over teeth) What the devil is going on? What
the? Come back! I'm going to bite you! Help me pick up my teeth.
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