'The Canterbury Vampires' - radio soap 2003
3.1.1
DARK ENTRY. NIGHT TIME. STUDENTS ARE REHEARSING A PLAY. WIND IN THE
TREES. AN OWL.
1.FARA (acting as Nell): Beneath that heavy paving stone a shocking
hole they found, it was not more than twelve feet deep and barely twelve
feet round- a fleshless, sapless skeleton lay in that horrid well, but
who the deuce 'twas put it there those Masons could not tell!
FX: Applause from other actors.
2. FARA: So, hang on, I'm playing the dead woman? Oh great, thanks guys!
3. DIRECTOR: Yeah, that's the idea!
4. FINTON: You'd be better at it than us!
5. FARA: What?! Nell was jealous when her lover was having an incestuous
relationship with his niece! How am I any better to play that role than
you?!!
6. FINTON: We just thought you could, y'know, relate to the character
more! We are in the 'dark entry' if you know what I mean!!?
7. FARA: Hey! I won't be in this play is you're just going to take the…
8.DIRECTOR: Oh come on! We've only got a week to rehearse this thing…
So, this woman, Nell Cook, decided to poison the food of the woman she
was jealous of. She was caught and buried. Right here. Alive.
9. FARA: Then they found her skeleton?
10. DIRECTOR: Yep, right where you're standing…
11. NICOLA: Oh!! Gross!!
12. DIRECTOR: And it's said that Nell is seen on Friday nights at 9
o'clock…and if you see her she curses you…
13. NICOLA: And then what?
14. DIRECTOR: You will die in 7 days…
3.1.2
CANTERBURY HIGH STREET. NOISE OF CARS, PEOPLE SHOUTING. MUSIC FROM A
PUB.
1. MILES: Look, the cathedral gates are just up there Charity.
2. CHARITY: Oh yeah, and that's that pub we went to when we first got
here! Alberry's or something. Do you remember Miles, you were so scared!
3. MILES: No I wasn't…I was quite excited actually. I'd never seen
so many drunk girls in one place before!
4. CHARITY: (laughing) Is that the only way you can pull then Miles,
when the girl in question is totally wasted?!!
5. MILES: No, it's not actually and I was referring to the, the…
atmosphere. Anyway, I've had lots of…
6. CHARITY (interrupting) I don't want to know Miles! Let's just get
these ingredients for Abigail, then we can go and have a drink.
3.1.3
CHEMISTRY LAB AT UNIVERSITY. SOUNDS OF BUBBLING AND MIXING. A RADIO
IS ON IN THE BACKGOUND PLAYING AN OLD KYLIE TRACK. JUSTIN IS SINGIN ALONG.
1. ABIGAIL: Hello? Justin?
2. JUSTIN: Oh hi Abigail!
3. SPOT: Switches radio off.
4. JUSTIN: Didn't see you there, just getting carried away singing to
Kylie, she's so amazing, the cow. Oh have you dyed your hair?!
5. ABIGAIL: No…
6. JUSTIN: Oh, well it really compliments your skin tone. I'm so jealous!
Don't even talk to me! (Giggles) Just joking!
7. ABIGAIL: (trying to laugh) Have you finished the potion?
8. JUSTIN: Just about, here we go…the final touches.
FX: Pouring and then mixing sounds.
9. JUSTIN: There we are, done and dusted!
10. ABIGAIL: Thanks Justin, you're a star.
11. JUSTIN: Oh anytime treasure, any time!
12. ABIGAIL: Well, see you later!
13. JUSTIN: By honey!
3.1.4
DARK ENTRY. NIGHT TIME.
1.MILES: Have you got the Marjoram Charity? I want to go!
2.CHARITY: What's the rush Miles?
3.MILES: Nothing. It's just, er, well, Tyra and Lizette come out of
the gym about this time and I…
4.CHARITY: Miles! Don't tell me that's where you disappear to every
Tuesday and Thursday night?!! Have you got a crush?!!
5.MILES: No! Well maybe…
6.CHARITY: Come on then you sad little…hang on!
7.MILES: What?
8.CHARITY: Over there, underneath the bush…Oh my…(screams)
9.MILES: What is it? What's wrong!?
10.CHARITY: It's a body!
11.MILES: What?!!!
12.CHARITY: I've never seen a body before! It's so grey…
13.MILES: Her eyes are still open…
14.CHARITY: Her nails are all broken and there's blood underneath them..
15.MILES: And bruising round the neck!
16.CHARITY: Let's go!
17.MILES: Okay!
3.2.1
ABIGAIL'S OFFICE.
1.ABIGAIL: Why didn't you come and tell me this last night? A body?!
This is serious!
2.MILES: We're sorry! We just panicked and ran…
3.CHARITY: I know it sounds silly but we were too scared…
4.MILES: So we came to you today instead…
5.ABIGAIL: And she was in Dark Entry. Near the site of Nell Cook's grave?
6.CHARITY: Yes, what's that got to do with anything?
5.ABIGAIL: I'll explain later. There's one thing I need to ask and you
had better say yes.
6. MILES: What?
7.ABIGAIL: Have you got the ingredients that I asked for?
8.CHARITY: Yes! Yes we have!
9.ABIGAIL: Well that's one good thing. We'll need to make that potion
today.
10.MILES: Today? I was going to see Tyra…
11.CHARITY: Oh get over it Miles! She'll never fancy you!!
12.ABIGAIL: SSSHH! We need to make the potion today to protect ourselves,
we can't afford to mess about!
13.CHARITY: Protect ourselves? From what?
14.ABIGAIL: Chaos magic Charity…
3.2.2
VAMPIRE'S TUNNEL. MORPHEUS IS MEDITATING. MUSIC IS PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND.WE
CAN HEAR THE SOUNDS OF WINDCHIMES AND CRYSTAL BALLS.
1. MORPHEUS: Army, army, I will have an army hmmmmm, hmmmmm. We will
be strong, we will be strong hmmmm, hmmmmm. We will have power, we will
have power hmmmmm, hmmmmmm…..
2. BRENTON: Master, it's been 29 minutes and 13 seconds….
SPOT: Music is switched off
3. MORPHEUS: Hmmm?
4. BRENTON: It's important…
5. MORPHEUS: Yes?
6. BRENTON: Do you want an honest answer?
7. MORPHEUS: Will it hurt?
8. BRENTON: It'll hurt.
9. MORPHEUS: No. I don't want an honest answer.
10. BRENTON: But…
11. MORPHEUS: Oh go on then…
12. BRENTON: The body has been found…
13. MORPHEUS: Excellent. But this is just the beginning. I want an army…
3.2.3
DJ Smooth: We're interrupting this programme to bring you an on the
spot report of the grisly discovery made at the cathedral earlier this
morning. Our roving reporter Rob, er, reports.
Rob: That's right DJ Smooth, it was just after 7 o'clock this morning
that the dirty discovery was made. The body of a young girl discovered
right here, in the grounds of one of England's most prestigious religious
venues, Canterbury Cathedral.
DJ Smooth: So what more can you tell us Rob, are there any ideas as
to the identity of the Cathedral Killer?
Rob: Not yet Smooth but police are working hard to find evidence. A
pretty nasty incident all round if you ask me.
DJ Smooth: Stop it Rob! You're putting me off my breakfast!
Rob: Sorry Smooth, just giving the listeners as accurate a description
as possible. No clues, no witnesses, just a body.
DJ Smooth: Well thanks for that, er, accurate description there Rob
and we'll catch up with you later on but now for that classic Killing Me
Softly.
3.2.4
DRAMA STUDIO. REHEARSING THE PLAY. KILLING ME SOFTLY PLAYING IN THE
BACKGROUND AND GENERAL ATMOS.
1. FARA: (acting) 'And thou two hundred years have flown, Nell Cook
doth still pursue her weary walk, and they who cross her path the deed
may rue; her fatal breath is fell as death!'
SPOT: Applause.
2. DIRECTOR: That's really good, Fara! I'm really pleased…where's
Finton though?
3. FARA: I'm not sure, he said he was coming…
4. DIRECTOR: Well he can't afford to…
5. FINTON:(running in) Sorry I'm late! You're never gonna guess what
I've just heard!
6. DIRECTOR: What?
7. FINTON: A body was found at the Dark Entry this morning…
8. FARA: What?!
SPOT: Gasps and then murmuring etc.
9. DIRECTOR: Are you serious?!
10. FINTON: Yes! It was on Lovebite fm this morning, and everyone's
talking about it!
11. FARA: The Dark Entry did you say? Maybe it was Nell Cook's curse…?
3.2.5
OUTSIDE IN THE WOODS. LATE AT NIGHT. WIND IN THE TREES. A FIRE IS BURNING.
1. ABIGAIL: Gather round. We're all going to chant. Okay?
2. MILES: (nervously) Okay.
3. ABIGAIL: And then we need to rub this liquid into our skin.
4. CHARITY: Abigail, are we in danger if we don't take the potion?
5. ABIGAIL: You're not ordinary students anymore, remember that. Halloween's
a dangerous time for anyone who practices magic…
8. MILES: Even white magic?
9. ABIGAIL: Especially white magic, it makes us vulnerable to the world
of chaos and dark arts. Now, each of you take some of the potion and begin
chanting together. Ready?
10. MILES/CHARITY: Yes.
11. ALL: By the dragon's light, on this October night,
I call to thee to give me your might,
by the power of three,
I conjure thee to protect all that surrounds me, so mote it be!
12. ALL: (LOUDER) By the dragon's light, on this October night,
I call to thee to give me your might,
by the power of three,
I conjure thee to protect all that surrounds me, so mote it be!
13. ABIGAIL: Rub the lotion into your arms!
3.3.1
VAMPIRE'S TUNNEL. MORHEUS ON RUNNING MACHINE.
1.MORHEUS: Pass me my towel Brenton, I can't stand sweating!
2. BRENTON: But you're on a running machine master, isn't sweating a
normal?
3. MORHEUS: Shut up! I asked you to pass me my towel not for your opinion.
Well, that's my exercise for the day. I bet you couldn't last a minute
on this thing.
4. BRENTON: Well actually, I used to be quite partial to a bit of running,
I mean there was no public transport back in 1770 …
5. MORHEUS: Oh whatever! Why don't you tell me how much effort you're
going to make in finding me a nice, juicy student, rather than boring me
with your past?!
6. BRENTON What sort of student master?
7. MORPHEUS: A first year, nice and innocent.
8. BRENTON: Of course master. You can count on me to find you the right
victim.
9.MORHEUS: I don't care who the victim is you fool! But I do always
prefer girls…if you have to suck on someone's neck I like it to be
attached to a pretty face. And someone clean! A dirty neck always ruins
the taste of blood!
10. BRENTON: Yes master.
11. MORPHEUS: Then I will slowly suck the blood out of every student….
12. BRENTON: Yes Master!
13. MORPHEUS: Then I will begin to build my army and Canterbury will
be mine!! HA HA HA!
14. BRENTON: Then maybe the world Master?
15. MORPHEUS: Calm down Brenton, first things first….put a little
Abba on, I always find it inspires me..
16. BRENTON: Of course Master.
11. AURORA: (Running in) Master! I've found one master! I know which
student we're going to kill!
3.3.2
DJ SMOOTH: Good morning folks and this is just a reminder to you all
that its only two days away to our very own Halloween Festival! We have
a special play to be performed as well as a spectacular firework display
and procession! Make sure you are all there to fight off the evil spirits
of Halloween…or just to have a pint if that sounds a bit to much like
hard work!
3.3.3
VAMPIRES TUNNEL. MORPHEUS CHANTING AGAIN. MUSIC IN THE BACKGROUND.
1. MORPEUS: Oh Great One come to thee, Oh Great One let me see, hmmmmm,
ahhhhhh, hmmmmmm, ahhhhhhhh. Great one give me you're powers…..
2. AURORA: (with morpheus) hmmmmm, ahhhhhhhhh…..
3. MORPHEUS: Stop! To work!
SPOT: Music switched off. Scratched. Crystals are moved.
4. MORPHEUS: Report to me Aurora!
5. AURORA: A first year, Fara. A note will be sent calling her away and
I'll meet her… then, I will show her the doorway to our world and
she will be ours! (LAUGHS)
6. MORPHEUS: I love it!
SPOT: Music resumes and there is the sound of crystal balls being moved.
7. MORPHEUS: Oh Great One come to thee…..
8. AURORA: (with morpheus) Oh Great One let me see, hmmmmmmm, ahhhhhhhh…..
3.3.4
DRAMA STUDIO. REHEARSING PLAY AND FINDING SOUND EFFECTS.
GRAMS: Sound effects of screaming, almost orgasmic!? This cut sharply to
arguing.
1. FARA: You can't have that sound effect Finton! It sounds, well…well
it just doesn't sound like Nell Cook.
2. FINTON: Oh I don't know….could be!
3. FARA: Oh don't be so stupid, I don't think Nell Cook would have sounded
so pleased with being buried alive, do you?!
4. FINTON: You never know, she was a weird one…
5. FARA: (interrupting) Oh I've got a text! Oh, this is weird. It doesn't
say who it's from, it says it's important though. I have to go to the bottom
of the hill…Sorry Finton, I'm gonna have to go…see you later!
6. FINTON: Fara! Hey, wait! You can't just leave me to do…..great.
Thanks.
7. FARA: (while Finton is talking) Bye!
3.4.1
INTERIOR. AURORA AND FARA ARE TALKING.
1. AURORA: There are many other worlds…and people we don't see…
2. FARA: What? You're telling me there're other worlds?
3. AURORA: There are doors between worlds…
4. FARA: Look, I saw the Matrix and didn't like it, ok?
5. AURORA: Between worlds there are doors…
6. FARA: Saying it in a different order doesn't help.
7. AUORA: So you don't believe me, what if I showed you?
8. FARA: What?
9. AURORA: Do you want to visit the world beyond?
10. FARA: I thought we we're going to look at these essential oils? I heard
the avocado one is especially good…
3.4.2
STRANGE, DREAM/DRUG LIKE SCENE IN WHICH AURORA AND FARA ARE TRAVELLING
TO THE VAMPIRE TUNNEL. STRANGE DREAMY MUSIC AND SOUND EFFECTS.
1. AURORA: (seductively) It's so beautiful…don't you think?
2. FARA: (breathing heavily) Yes…very…
3. AURORA: I knew you would like it…
4. FARA: It's…oh, wow, it's amazing….
5. AURORA: I bet it's not like anything you've experienced before…
6. FARA: Never…I love it…I could stay here forever…
3.4.3
DRAMA STUDIO. REHEARSAL. FINTON IS READING THE PART OF NELL COOK AS FARA
IS NOT THERE. SOUND OF PEOPLE IN THE BACKGROUND. MURMURING ETC.
1. FINTON: (as Nell Cook) (QUOTE FROM NELL COOK..NOT SURE WHIHCH ONE YET…)…Oh
I can't read this part, it sounds all wrong without Fara doing it!
2. DIRECTOR: I know but she's not here, you'll have to for now..
3. FINTON: Where is she, she's going to ruin the whole thing, we're doing
this tomorrow!
4. DIRECTOR: I know. I'm sure she'll turn up soon, she's probably running
later…has anyone seen Fara?
5. STUDENT: I haven't seen her in a while and she wasn't in her history
of Thaumatology class today either…
3.4.4
VAMPIRE TUNNEL. IN A CELL. FARA IS ALONE. IT'S QUEIT AND EERIE, SOUNDS
OF DRIPPING NOW AND AGAIN.
1. FARA: (almost crying) Hello? Is anyone there? Hello?!
SPOT: Banging on a door.
2. FARA: (to herself) Where am I? This place is so weird…so cold.
What happened to me? It was like a dream…then I was here. I have to
get out of this place…
SPOT: whooshing noise
4. FARA: What's that noise…? Hello?
5. LAYLA: You must escape…please try to escape…you are not safe
here.
6. FARA: What? Who is that? Where are you?
7. LAYLA: They will do it to you too…never trust them.
8. FARA: Do what to me?!
9. LAYLA: Kill you…they will kill you but you will never die…
3. FARA: (shouting and panicking) Help! Will someone please help me! Please!
3.5.1
VAMPIRE'S TUNNEL. FARA IS BOUGHT BEFORE MORPHEUS, BOUND AND GAGGED.WE
HEAR HER STRUGGLING AND TRYING TO TALK.
1. MORPHEUS: Hello my dear, how are we feeling today?
2. FARA: (gagged) Mmmmmm!!!
3. MORPHEUS: What's that? A little peckish? Then may I tempt you with
a gherkin and salami sandwich, they're a speciality of mine…
4. FARA: Mmmmmm!!!!!!!!!
5. MORPHEUS: Oh for goodness sake! (rips of gag)
6. FARA: (deep breaths) Who are you and what do you want from me?!
7. MORPHEUS: (laughs) Your blood dear, your blood.
8. FARA: What? Are you crazy?!!
9. MORPHEUS:(angry) I am most certainly not crazy you stupid, half witted
creature! I am a genius! A God! And soon I will rule over everything!!!
(calling) Brenton!
10. BRENTON: (running in) Yes Master?
11. MORPHEUS: Music Brenton! The time has come and I need those masters
of pop to get me in the mood!
FX ABBA tune will begin
12. MORPHEUS: Are you ready?
13. FARA: (wimpering) No…please… no
SPOT: Shuffling and muffled cries.
FX Scary vamp music, this gradually gets louder. ABBA tune fades out.
14. MORPHEUS: (breathless) Mmmmm, one of the finest I've tasted in a
long time! Welcome Fara, welcome to the vampire world!
3.5.2
1. DJ SMOOTH: Afternoon guys, the day that you've all been waiting for
has finally arrived. However, it appears that things are not what they
seem on campus and we are interrupting this programme with a news flash
to inform you that one of our first year students appears to have disappeared.
Fara Davis was last seen yesterday afternoon while rehearsing for her leading
role in the Nell Cook story, to be performed at this evening's Halloween
Festival…await for further news...
3.5.3
MILES' BEDROOM. HE'S CARVING A PUMPKIN. CHARITY RUSHES IN.
1. CHARITY: (running in) Miles! Look!
2. MILES: Hi Charity, do you like my pumpkin? I think it look rather
like me actually…
3. CHARITY: (interrupting) Miles! I found this book! It says here (as
if reading) 'the Nell Cook legend, as well as being an infamous Canterbury
story, also has links to the existence of vampires'…
2. MILES: What?!
3. CHARITY: It says here (reading quickly) 'Nell Cook… thought
to be last known living vampire in the south east. Legend has it when a
person dies near the site of her death at the Dark Entry, in Canterbury
Cathedral, vampire activity will resume'!
4. MILES: Hang on….but we found…
5. CHARITY: …. A body near Dark Entry!
6. MILES: Now Fara has gone missing….
7. CHARITY: …And it's Halloween! We have to find Abigail!
3.5.4
ST AUGUSTINE'S ABBEY. FESTIVAL. BONFIRE BURNING. MUSIC AND GENERAL CROWD
ATMOS.
1. MORPHEUS: Well well well, we meet again…
2. ABIGAIL: (startled) Huh? Oh my…
3. MORPHEUS: Bet you never thought you'd see me again, did you?
4. ABIGAIL: What the…what are you doing here? What do you want?!
5. MORPHEUS: I think I've got something you might want…
6. ABIGAIL: I hardly think so Morpheus….
7. MORPHEUS: Really? We'll see…Fara! Here!
8. ABIGAIL: No! No! This can't be true! I've had nightmares about this
happening but…
9. MORPHEUS: …but never thought it would? I thought you'd know
better Abi…
10. ABIGAIL: Let her go! She's done nothing to you!
11. MORPHEUS: (laughing) To late for that I'm afraid!
12. ABIGAIL: What? Oh my…you've done it haven't you? You've turned
her a lready….
13. MORPHEUS: (laughing) She doesn't even recognise you! I don't play
games anymore Abi. And certainly not with you. This is war. And you don't
stand a chance…
