'The Canterbury Vampires' - radio soap 2001
2.1
2.1.1
Establish the acoustic of dining hall, with program sound of jukebox.
1. Penelope: Charity! Over here!
2. Charity: Ok, be there in a sec!
3. Charity walks over.
4. Charity: Hi gang, hows it going?
5. Penelope: A lot better if I didn't have to eat this rubbish.
6. Charity: Hmm.. are these eggs supposed to be grey?
7. Penelope: Maybe we should magic them into something edible?
8. Charity: Honestly hun, I really don't think I'm that powerful.
9. FADE UP acoustic as bridge.
2.1.2
1. Linette: Did you see Charity last night?
2. Friend: Which one's she?
3. Fara: Pretty & blonde, your basic nightmare. Look, she's sitting over there.
4. Friend: Well she can't be that great or I'd I've noticed her before.
5. Fara: Look, she was all over Barry and everyone knows I fancy him!
6. Friend: And? I've seen more muscles in a sea food salad.
7. Fara: That's not the point. She tried it on with my future ex-boyfriend so she has to be taught a lesson.
2.1.3
1. FADE UP acoustic as bridge.
2. Penelope: So, who's ya new boy toy? You were dancing with him all night!
3. Charity: Noone! Well obviously he is someone or he wouldn't exist. But he's no one to me. (Embarrassed and slightly indignant.)
4. Penelope: That's not what it looked like last night…
5. Charity: Penelope if you paid more attention to your own love life, you might have one.
6. Penelope: Ouch!
7. Charity: Oh Penny, I'm sorry. It's just that everyone's asked me what's going on! I didn't even kiss him!
8. Linette comes over on line 9
9. Linette (Calling) CHARITY! CHARITY!
10. Charity: Penny? Who's that girl?
11. Fara? No I think that one's Linette! She's a head case! Try and stay out of her way.
12. Charity: I'd love to but she's heading straight for us.
13. Linette: Charity! Oi Charity! I want a word with you.
14. Charity: Sorry, do I know you? How do you know my name?
15. Linette: I've seen it written on enough cubicle walls.
16. Penelope: Who do you think you are?
17. Linette: Pipe down chubbachubba. I should have known that the pretty girl would have a size 20 sidekick.
18. Charity: I don't know who you are but I suggest you go away before… ummm.. before… I do something you'll live to regret. (Scared but trying to be strong)
19. Linette: You don't scare me freak. I'm not under your spell. Watch your back. If I see you bewitch one more bloke that I fancy, you've had it.
Footsteps away, leaving the sound of Charity crying.
2.1.4
1. Radio DJ: And hello to all you early risers out there. This is DJ Smooth on Love Bite Fm, with you till the afternoon. We'll be playing what's hot in the charts and whose got with the Campus tarts. Watch out for Campus gossip after this classic hit…
2.1.5
Set in the lecture hall - directly after breakfast. The sound centre is with Professor Williams. Charity enters on line 1.
1. Professor Williams: The lecture will start in 5 minutes. Please collect hand out from over there.
Charity walks as she says 'Professor Williams'.
2. Charity: Professor Williams, can I have a quick word?2. Professor: Charity, can I help you? You look upset.
Throughout their conversation, people have been filling in the seats in the lecture halls. There is been a background of chatting.
3. Charity: I was in the canteen this morning! This girl Fara started on me! Something about men being under my spell.
4. Professor: (quickly) Have you told anyone what you study?
5. Charity: No! I haven't! I promise!
6. Professor: Then it's probably nothing. She must have been picking on you for something else. Still, we'll have to keep an eye on her.
7. Charity: Is there anything I can do?
8. Professor: Yes, go and take a seat. I need to start the lecture. Ok everyone.
Today we are going to be talking about prejudice.(Begin STEEP FADE)
As witches, this is something you are going to experience throughout your adult lives.
2.1.6
The sound centre is with Miles and Charity but the lecture continues in the background.
FADE UP later in lecture.1. Professor: People deal with it in different ways.
The conversation between Charity and Miles continues through Professor Williams speech.
While it's easy for me to suggest ignoring it, I promise you that fighting it is not the answer. Your powers are a gift. If I find out that anyone has been abusing them, you are not only off this course, but your time at this university is over.
2. Miles: I've just heard what happened. It's no ones business if you have a new bloke.
4. Charity: He's NOT my bloke. I wish I'd never spoken to him now.
Steep fade to Professor Williams. Sound Centre is with her.
5. Professor: Can I have everyone's attention? Does anyone have any examples of how prejudice applies to witchcraft?
6. Miles: Like Halloween? When the world decides that warts mean witches?
7. Professor: Thank you Miles, but I'm looking for something a little more historical?
8. Penelope: What about the Salem Witchtrials?
9. Professor: Exactly, good work Penelope. Does anyone know have anything to add?
10. Charity: I think it happened in 1691 in Massachusetts?
11. Professor: And how many people died?
12. Penelope: 19?
13. Professor: That's correct, Penelope.
14. Miles: I read in Arthur Miller's play… the ummm..
15. Penelope: The Crucible?
17. Miles: Yes, I knew that Penelope! (Says her name in full to be sarcastic)
He said it was all Abigails fault.18. Professor: Enough! Miles, you will learn on this course not to take gossip for fact. Please stay behind after the lecture.
Steep Fade down and Cross fade up on Charity and Miles, the Professor continues talking in the background.
2.1.7
1. Professor: Salem is a perfect example of how prejudice can get out of control. Many people were accused of witchcraft and had no such powers. Many witches survived unharmed because they provided the accusations.
During this speech Charity and Miles whisper:
2. Miles: What's her problem! I didn't say anything that bad! Miller did say that Abigail started it!
3. Charity: She has a thing about Salem, I heard Tyra talking about it. Now shut up so I can listen.
Steep fade to Professor Williams.
2.1.8
1. Professor: You can learn the truth for yourselves. Your next project to observe Salem.
There is a gasp of excitement as the class realises that they will get to travel back in time.
2. Professor: Quiet! I have one proviso. Do not get involved! If you interfere in the events of the witch trials, you will not only change the past but the future as well.
MUSIC BRIDGE OF BOOM BOOM SHAKE THE ROOM BY WILL SMITH
2.2.2DJ Smooth: This is DJ Smooth on Love Bite Fm. That song was dedicated to Miles Davies, who was responsible for the big bang earlier today. For all of you that have only just got up, due to an explosion in the chemistry labs, all lectures for the rest of the day have been cancelled. Respect to Miles.
Music bridge
2.2.3
ACOUSTIC OF PATHWAY. OB
SOUND CENTRE IS WITH TYRA AND CHARITY APPROACHES. WE GO WITH.1. Charity: Hi Tyra, wait up. Why are you going to the car park?
2. Tyra: Miles told me to meet him there. Apparently he has something important to ask me.
3. Charity: That's strange. Me too.
4. Tyra: I hope he doesn't have any dodgy plans for us…
5. Charity: Ew, don't be disgusting.
6. Tyra: Don't underestimate the filthy minds of little boys, Charity.
7. Charity: Is that him over there? Why's he sitting like a Buddha?
2.2.4
ACOUSTIC OF CAR PARK. OB
1. Miles: (CHANTING)Time unravel, please help me travel. Time Unravel, please help me travel.
CHARITY AND TYRA APPROACH
2. Tyra: Miles, what are you doing? (Emphasis on 'are')
3. Miles: Hello Ladies. How's it going? (Embarrassed)
4. Tyra: Get to the point Miles, what are we doing here?
5. Miles: I need a little favour from you. (Hesitant)
6. Tyra: Look hunny, Charity doesn't float my boat, so if you don't mind…(disgusted)
7. Miles: I've no idea what you're talking about. I just need help with a spell!
8. Charity: Your not actually doing homework are you? (truly surprised)
9. Miles: Of course not. I just want to go back in time and prove I'm not a total waster.
10. Tyra: What's that got to do with us?
11. Miles: Well I figured that as a second year you might know how to do magic.
12. Charity: And me?
13. Miles: I needed something pretty to look at?
14. Charity: Please. So where's all of your ingredients?
15. Miles: I've spent the day collecting them. (Proudly)
PENELOPE APPROACHES SAYING LINE 16
16. Penelope: (Panting) Miles! I've found everything you needed.
17. Tyra: Or Penelope did all.
18. Miles: Now we're all here lets get going. Can everyone sit in a circle?
19. Charity: Shouldn't we go somewhere a little quieter?
20. Miles: What better place for a travelling spell than a car park. Can you put the ingredients in the middle Penny? Right, Tyra. Can you do the honours?
21. Tyra: If this goes wrong, its not my fault. Travel well and travel right. Get us to Salem before the night.
22. Penelope: Quickly! That cars heading right us!
CHARITY SCREAMS
There is a montage beginning with time travelling music with and the sound of the car park fading away. This is replaced by a choir singing hymns which cross fades into the Arial sounds of Salem in 1691. This will include farm sounds and turkeys.
2.3.1
1. FX OF TIME TRAVELLING MONTAGE ENDING IN THREE THUMPS
2. FX OF COUNTRY SOUNDS. THE SOUND CENTRE IS ON THE FLOOR WITH MILES.
3. MILES: (SITTING UP) Is Everyone Ok? Charity? (SHAKES HER) Say something!
4. CHARITY: (Moans) Hmmmm
5. TYRA: I'm ok Miles, but thanks for asking!
6. MILES: I can see that. But Charity seems hurt.
7. TYRA: Slap her. That should wake her up. Actually, I'll slap her.
8. CHARITY: (SITS UP DAZED) I'm ok Tyra. Is this The Salem Witch Trials? It's grassier than I thought.
9. MILES: I think we're in a field. We can't be that far outside the town.
10. TYRA: Shall we get going? I have a manicure at five.
11. CHARITY: Wait a sec. Didn't Penny come with us?
12. TYRA: Maybe the spell has a weight restriction?
13. FX OF FALLING
14. MILES: Mind your heads! It's coming right for us!
15. FX OF LARGE THUMP
16. PENELOPE: Oww! I landed on my butt!
17. TYRA: Well at least you have lots of padding.
2.3.2
1. FX - ACOUSTIC OF PROFESSOR WILLAMS OFFICE.
2. TEACHING ASSISTANT: Professor Williams! We have a big problem!
3. PROFESSOR WILLIAMS: What's the matter Cynthia? Is Miles disturbing your lessons again?
4. TEACHING ASSISTANT: I went to discuss the mess he made of the lab but he's gone!
5. FX OF THEME MUSIC.
6. PROFESSOR WILLIAMS: I don't understand? Gone where?
7. TEACHING ASSISTANT: I questioned Eric until I got the truth. They've gone to Salem!
8. PROFESSOR WILLIAMS: (HAPPY VOICE) I see.
9. TEACHING ASSISTANT: Why are you smiling? They're in danger!
10. PROFESSOR: It's all part of the plan Cynthia. All part of the plan.
2.3.3
1. FX - SOUND CENTRE IS WITH MILES, THE GIRLS ARE BESIDE HIM - WE GO WITH. OUTSIDE ACOUSTIC - NOISE OF FARM GETS LOUDER AS THEY APPROACH.
2. CHARITY: Miles - Did you put a change of clothes in your rucksack?
3. MILES: No. Don't you like my T-Shirt?. It's not dirty - that's a pattern!
4. TYRA: Its more Quality Seconds than Calvin Klein though isn't it Sweetie?
5. CHARITY: Be serious for a second. This is 1692 and I'm wearing jeans!
6. TYRA: Mine are Armani. (SMUG) I can fit in anywhere.
7. CHARITY: Tyra, we should be wearing long flowing skirts and bodices. We're going to stand out like the Pope at an orgy.
8. PENELOPE: (PANTING AND WALKING SLIGHTLY BEHIND) APPROACHES.
Slow down a sec! I've got an idea!9. TYRA: Oh Penny, I forgot you were here. Try and keep up.
10. PENELOPE: (STILL OUT OF BREATH) We can borrow someone's clean washing! I saw it in a carry on film.
11. TYRA: What? Carry On being a Shmuck? I'm not wearing some rancid peasant's clothes.
12. MILES: It's up to you. The less we stand out the better. They are hanging witches after all.
13. CHARITY: Let's go into this farm and see what we can find. Miles and Tyra can head towards the main house. Penny and I will take the barns.
14. MILES: Ok, meet back here in an hour. Please be careful. Especially you Penelope.
2.3.4
1. FX OF COURTYARD WITH OUTSIDE ACOUSTIC. SOUND CENTRE IS WITH CHARITY.
2. CHARITY: Penny, come here, I think I've found some clothes!
3. PENELOPE APPROACHES CHARITY
4. PENELOPE: Good work Charity. But I don't think any of these will fit me!
5. CHARITY: Go and try them on. I'm sure you'll look fine.
6. PENELOPE: It might be like squeezing toothpaste back into the tube.
7. CHARITY: Don't be silly. I'm sure you'll look gorgeous.
8. PENELOPE: Ok keep guard. And please be kind.
2.3.5
1. FX OF FARM YARD NOISES. SOUND CENTRE IS WITH MILES.
2. MILES: Tyra! Hurry up!
3. TYRA: I just stepped in something brown and steaming. Don't start on me.
4. FX - TYRA SLIPS AND FALLS ONTO MILES.
5. MILES: Am I your prince?
6. TYRA: Yeah - short - gay and with a really high voice!
7. MILES: Actually I fancy girls.
9. TYRA: Your Asexual. You only reproduce with yourself.
MUSIC BRIDGE OF PRINCE 'KISS'. 'I just want your extra time and your… kiss!'
2.3.6
1. FX - ACOUSTIC OF BARN, FX OF HORSE NOISES.
2. PENELOPE: Ok shirt, its just you and me. Please fit.
3. PENNY STARTS SINGING TO HERSELF:
'I'M TOO SEXY FOR MY SHIRT' BY RIGHT SAID FRED.4. PENNY TAKES OFF HER JUMPER AND THE SINGING IS MUFFLED.
5.FX OF FOOTSTEPS.
6. PENNY: (SCREAMS)
2.4.1
1. ACOUSTIC OF STABLE, FX OF DONKEY.
2. PENELOPE: (SCREAMS)
3. FX OF PENELOPE RUNNING
4. FARM BOY: Wait! I didn't mean to scare you.
5. PENELOPE: Well you did. What do you want?
6. FARM BOY: Well you're in my barn.
7. PENELOPE: Not for much longer!
8. FARM BOY: If gonna leave, you might want to put on a top.
9. PENELOPE: (REALISES SHE'S NAKED, GASPS AND COVERS UP) Stop staring at my boobs!
10. FARM BOY: (PUZZLED) Boobs?
11. PENELOPE: Turn around so I can make myself decent.
12. FARM BOY: I like God's women buxom. Don't cover up on my account.
13. PENELOPE: Stop making fun of me. Underneath this flab is a fragile waif.
14. FARM BOY: I think your curves are beautiful. Now come here so I can kiss you like you've never been kissed before.
15. PENELOPE: I never have been kissed before.
16. FARM BOY: Good. Then it shouldn't be much of a challenge.
17. FX OF SLOPPY MUSIC BULDING UP
18. FX OF KISSING SOUNDS
19. MUSIC BRIDGE
2.4.2
1. ACOUSTIC OF THE BARN, SOUND CENTRE IS WITH PENELOPE AND FARM BOY KISSING AND MOANING.
2. CHARITY: (FROM FAR AWAY) Penny? Penny! There's someone outside! We have to get out of here! GASP.
3. PENELOPE: It's not what you think!
4. CHARITY: So you're not tonguing this - farm boy?
5. PENELOPE: Ok it is what you think. What are you doing here?
6. CHARITY: There's someone outside. I came to warn you.
7. PENELOPE: Ok well if you give me a minute to finish up here…
8. CHARITY: (THOUGH GRITTED TEETH) I can't wait outside, those Salem Hillbillies.
9. PENELOPE: (DESPERATE) Please?
10. CHARITY: Ok, 2 minutes and no more.
11. CHARITY SIGHS AND WALKS AWAY
12. FX OF SLOPPY MUSIC
13. PENELOPE: So this is goodbye.
14. FARM BOY: Don't leave! We've only just found each other.
15. PENELOPE : I have to. We come from different worlds.
16. FARM BOY: I'll always remember the last four minutes. I lu…
17. PENELOPE: Shhh. I know.
18. FX OF LONG KISS
19. MUSIC CLIMAX
20. TWO SECOND SILENCE
2.4.3
1. ACOUSTIC OF FARM YARD. FX- SQUARK OF CHICKENS.
2. TYRA: Get away from me you squawky beasts. When can we go home?
3. MILES: When we've found some clothes, seen some witches and ticked all the boxes
4. FX OF FOOTSTEPS
5. TYRA: Shh.. there's someone coming.
6. MILES: Kiss me! They won't notice us.
7. TYRA: Ew, get off me.
8. MILES: Well it always works in films.
9. ABIGAIL: (POSITION FIVE) Hello? Who's there?
10. MILES: No one!
11. ABIGAIL: Yes there is. You just answered me!
12. MILES: Damn.
13. ABIGAIL: (APPROACHING) Now I can see you.
14. ABIGAIL: (APPROACHING) Who are you?
15. TYRA: I'm Tyra, and that's Miles. You?
16. ABIGAIL: Abigail Williams. You look like you just fell out of the sky.
17. MILES: We were trying to find something to wear that's a little more… appropriate.
18. ABIGAIL: You can borrow these from my laundry basket. I was about to do my monthly wash.
19. TYRA: Sorry. I'm not wearing your dirty rags.
20. MILES: (FIRMLY) Thank you, it would be our pleasure.
21. TYRA: (SIGHS)
22. ABIGAIL: Tyra, you can try on this.
23. TYRA: (Whining) Abigail! I'll look like a bear in a sleeping bag.
24. ABIGAIL: You look like everyone else. I thought you didn't want to be noticed.
25. TYRA: (PUTS ON CLOTHES)
26. MILES: We don't. Do you um… know much about the witch trials?
27. ABIGAIL: A little.
28. PENELOPE: APPROACHES AND INTERRUPTS ABIGAIL. Wait! (PAUSE AS SHE APPROACHES) It's important!
29. MILES: What is it Pen?
30. PENELOPE: Charity's gone!
31. MILES: Gone where?
32. PENELOPE: If I knew that, I'd be looking for her.
33. ABIGAIL: (FRIGHTENED WHISPER) They must have thought she was a witch and taken her. (LOUDLY) If we hurry we can save her before it's too late.
To WELCOME PAGE
Radio Soap (serial drama) - HOW TO MAKE IT
Five-minute episodes - or short episodes
Step by step instruction from Alan Beck.
Learn about radio drama on this site along with my book - Beck, Alan, Radio Acting, London: A & C Black (1997) ISBN 0-7136-4631-4
This is how to make a short-form soap - entertaining (above all) and you can include issues (issues that could influence the listeners' behaviour).
Further: production, scripting, web site, marketing, focus group meetings, drop-in script, copyright material logging, trails, soap launch.
Contact: [email protected]
This site's address: http://www.savoyhill.co.uk/soap/index.html