'The Canterbury Vampires' - Episodes 46-50 - Clump 10 - 'The Summer Ball'
Dennie Morris
Script for the last 5 episodes.10.1.1
DJ Smooth in studio, calls a meeting with his assistant Lizette?
DJ smooth> you all have a fabulous day… I'll be back tomorrow… DJ smooth… signing off with this one from… <insert artist> (aside) see you later suckers.
<movement and change of acoustic as we go with DJ… to open door and calling in others>
DJ Smooth> Lizette? Can you and chancer come into the studio please? And shut the door behind you.
Lizette> Sure. What's wrong?
SFX footsteps in… door closing.
DJ> are those mics off?
Lizette> Yeah, why?
DJ> Chancer?
DJ> I need to tell you two something… but I need you to promise to keep it between us. Ok?
Lizette> Sure
Chancer> yeah, what?
DJ> you promise?
Chancer> YEAH!
Lizette> What's going on smooth?
DJ> Well, I've been doing a bit of investigating since all these murders, and I know who's been doing them. And you know too, don't you chancer?
Lizette> What?
DJ> they are planning something big for this Friday's ball.
Lizette> Well tell the police.
DJ> What? Tell the police that the murderers are vampires? I don't' think so.
Lizette> Vampires! You have finally lost it smooth!
Chancer> He's right. Vampires are doing the killing. But what's all this about the ball?
Lizette> I'm sorry but I can't believe all this…
DJ> well, they live down in a tunnel under the university, and last night I went down there and did a bit of spying… listen to this…
SFX of tape going into player.
10.1.2
Tape playing
Morheus> another glass Brenton?
Brenton> yes please Morpheus, it's lovely.
Morpheus> Of course it is. From the 1860's, a 20 year old virgin from northern france.
Brenton> Must be a good year. I can't wait until Friday, all that young blood. Mmm.
Morpheus> and all those new vampires. Ha ha ha ha. We must to go over the plans.
Brenton> not again.
Morpheus> Yes! Again… It is imperative that we get this right. If we don't… well… 'The Great One' will have our guts for garters.
Brenton> 'The Great One' wears tights?
Morpheus> ENOUGH BRENTON! I have spoken to Lutherious and all is ready. So we must get our end of the plan correct. At 11.30 you, I and 25 of our best vamps will storm the university ball, and drain the blood from every student. Then we'll meet Lutherious and will put the second part off the plan in action. First Canterbury and then the world!
Brenton> Sounds good, sounds tasty. <inserts licking of lips etc)
Morpheus> Good lord… I almost forgot! I must remember to perform that spell to get the great one back! Never mind guts for garters, if I don't get him back he'll use my guts for a whole new wardrobe.
10.1.3
DJ> so you see… we need to sort this out.
Lizette> We've got to go to the police.
DJ> what? With my record?… are you having a laugh?
Chancer> I never knew it was this bad. What is the second part of their plan?
DJ> well that's exactly what we're going to find out… What do you know about the vamps Chancer? we know they live in the tunnel under the university but what do they do?
Chancer> Well as far as we all know, they have a connection with campus catering… they make those sandwiches…
DJ> I knew there was something dodgy about those sandwiches… oh… and you had a liver and bacon roll the other day lizette!
Anyway…that's run by Anita isn't it?Chancer> yes.
DJ> and is she a vamp?
Chancer> no… we've never heard a peep from her.
DJ> I bet she's working with them. She's a shrewd one aswell, always coming to me for free publicity on air.
Ok, here's what we'll do. Chancer, you try and get her out of her office.Lizette> (more scared) are you two crazy??? We can't get involved in this… they'll kill us.
DJ> They'll kill everyone if we don't. So, get her out of her office, I'll break in, find out what I can. I'll need to be in there for about half an hour. Can you do that Chancer?
Chancer> yeah…
Lizette> I must be mad getting involved in this, you say she's always hassling you for publicity?
DJ> yeah.
Lizette> we have just the publicity she's looking for. The Charity skydive event that we're doing a show on!
DJ> yes…
Lizette> lets ask her to take part, it'll be a great advert for her, and it'll get her out of her office for hours.
DJ> yeah, not just a pretty face, eh?… use your charm Chancer, get her on that skydive. These vamps are gonna get busted.
10.1.4
SAUNA interior.
Turi> you have been coming here to the sauna for months, and each time you come Miles, you tell me about this beautiful girl tyra.
Miles> turi, I have no chance… she'll never be interested
Turi> no, look at the steam that comes from the coal, this is positive energy, we must create our own positive energy and bring her to you. Say it with me…
Tyra,Miles and Turi> Tyra, Tyra, Tyra, Ty… (miles grudgingly)
SFX of door opening abruptly… in comes Tyra
Tyra> Thought you'd be in here…
Miles> Scream! What are you doing here Tyra?
(Turi is amazed, starts spouting about it being a miracle)
Tyra> Miles… you look good! Work it baby!
I wanted to ask you something. You know I'm going for president of the thaumatology society? And doing this fundraising event.Hold on a second… (at turi) can you shut up!!!!
Thank you…!!
Miles> the skydiving thing?
Tyra> Yeah. I've have raised a thousand for charity… and I'm so scared…I really don't think I can do it…. So….
Would… you… do it for me? Please? Pretty please? I'll make it worth your while.Miles> erm…
Tyra> So you'll do it? Thank you so much…. Mwoah… The team will meet you at the results board tomorrow… Anyway… must dash… hair appointment! Bye
10.1.5
Sports Hall Anita playing badminton against Penelope. Chancer watching!
Sound FX of Badminton playing and acoustic of big sports hall.
Establish last point…
Penelope> ok, 14 love, and match point.
Anita> are you trying to rub it in?
Penelope> ready?
Anita> just get on with it penelope.
Play point. Penny wins.
Penelope> Yes!
Anita> Good game… well done <aside> but I'll always be better looking than you!
Chancer from off mic clapping> Good game! Anita isn't it?Anita> yeah what is it?
Chancer> I've just come from tha radio station… Smooth said you might want some free publicity for your catering company?
Anita> I'm always interested in free publicity.
Chancer> This might just be your lucky day. You must have heard the trails for the skydiving event tomorrow.
Anita> Yes…
Chancer> someone's just dropped out, we really need another jumper for the event to be interesting.
Anita> You want me to jump?
Chancer> The coverage is going to be based on a 1hr show. So if you jump it'll be an hours worth of advertising for lunch bite. You wanna do it?
Anita> ok… tell smooth I'll do it if he says that lunch bite has sponsored the jumps.
10.2.1Radio Studio. DJ Smooth Editing.
Whistling "When will I be famous" and editing on computer.
Lizette comes in.Lizette> Still editing the recordings Smooth
DJ> Oh… Hey Lizette. Glad you came in… I wanted to tell you something… while Chancer's not here.
Lizette> Go on…
DJ> Don't tell chancer. But this is our chance to hit the big-time. This is the biggest story we could ever have wished for so… we must not go to the police until the last possible moment. Everything that I've wished for could be mine.
Lizette> what do you mean?
DJ> well if I break this story… we are talking fame, money, a slot on national radio, maybe even TV. All we have to do is play our cards right… I could be the next Chris Evans!
Lizette> ok… so what do I do?
DJ> Take my diary, you'll find the numbers of the news desks of all the big networks for radio and TV. Tell them we have a scoop on the Canterbury murders, and play them this. That'll get them interested.
Lizette> what is it?
DJ> It's edited highlights of everything I've found out. It'll get them interested but it's nothing they can use.
Lizette> Ok… then what? If they are interested….
DJ> No… no… no… when they are interested, give them my mobile number. I'll sort it from there. By Friday we'll be broadcasting to the nation on all networks. I'll be famous!!!
10.2.2
Exam Board.
Whooping… calling mum
Charity> Have you found your name yet? I hate these results boards I can never find my name.
Miles> There you are Charity… there's your name?
Charity> Yes!!!! I've passed? How did you do Miles.
Miles> Yeah… I've passed too… that's good.
Charity> You don't look too happy? What's wrong Miles?
Miles> It's that stupid Skydiving thing. I'm supposed to be meeting them now. I am scared witless.
Charity> I knew this would happen. Maybe it won't be as bad as all that? People do it every day…
Miles> I know, but what sort of people. (Under his breath) here they come…
Instructor (Shouting in distance off mic)> Over here everyone doing the jump, Come ON!!!
10.2.3
In Radio Studio
Music at low level,
SFX of Mobile Phone
DJ> Hello…
Chancer (on phone)> Hey Smooth it's Chancer… mission accomplished, I've just seen Anita go off to do her jump, so her office should be empty.
DJ> Thanks, well done. I'm on to it.
SFX Phone sound.
DJ> Lizette, take over the show, it's on.
Lizette> Good Luck.
10.2.4
Interior of plane… sounds of plane.
Instructor, Anita and Virgin Boy.Instructor> you ready to jump?… I said ARE you ready?
Miles> errrrrr
Instructor> You've gotta open your eyes.
Miles> I can't
Instructor (sarcastically)> OPEN YOUR EYES!
Miles> I can't do this… fly me down again.. please… I don't want to do it!
Instuctor> are you sure? You wanna go down and look like a sissy boy?
Miles> No.. I can do it.. lets do it!
Instructor> After 3… count with me
Miles and Instructor> 1, 2, 3
Miles> eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee and goes into screaming like a girl…. And crying.
10.2.5
Outside Anita's office.
DJ> This is DJ smooth reporting on my investigation of Anita Samson's office. I'm currently hiding in a bush outside her office window, it's 4.30 pm so I know that Anita is currently skydiving so her office should be empty for a while, but campus is a little busy, so if I just wait until ab o u t. Now!
SFX of DJ climbing to the window.
DJ> Luckily security hasn't been upgraded here since the sixties so a sharp push on the window should open it… (SFX of window) …perfectly.
DJ> and … I'm in!
DJ> So… what have we got here? Radio tuned to the BBC? Well… we'll re-tune that to LoveBite.
SFX of opening drawers and paper work…
DJ> Nothing… nothing… nothing…
DJ> Bingo… the company stuff…
SFX flicking through file.
DJ> Vampire this vampire that?... (In breath) Oh shhhhugar! This is bigger than I ever expected.
10.3.1
DJ Smooth is in the Studio editing his investigative journalism recording.
SFX of him editing. We hear a re-run of the investigating smooth did earlier.
As he is climbing into the window, Chancer comes in...SFX Door opens… in comes Chancer.
Chancer> That sounds good Smooth.
DJ> well check this out. I knicked it from Anita's office. (SFX of paper organising)
Chancer (reading)> Lotharius and army depart from Romania Tuesday.
Attack on Ball.
Army Disembark at Dover.
Meet Lotharius and army at Cathedral.
Ambush county by county from 00.15hrs.DJ> This is their plan Chancer... an army of Vampires (all illegal immigrants), arrive here from Romania. While this is going on the Canterbury Vamps will be attacking everyone at the summer ball. Then the two armies will meet and start taking over the country, county by county. And this is all gonna happen in 57 hrs from now.
Chancer> There could be hundreds of them coming over.
DJ> or thousands.
Chancer> We can't fight this, what the heck are we going to do?
DJ> well, we can't go to the police.
Chancer> What?
DJ> If we told the police that we thought the murderers were vampires they'd lock US up. And they'd throw away the key if I got nicked again. (slower pace)
Chancer> I see what you mean.
DJ> Lizette's called all the news desks at all the radio and TV stations, and played them a montage of clips that I put together, made of highlights of what I found out. So... by tomorrow we should have coverage, and we'll bust those vamps.
Chancer> Great
DJ> Oh, and I'm going to stick one of these little hidden mics in the tunnel, and see if we can pick up what they are saying, are you coming?
10.3.2
On the boat feeding ducks
Miles> That duck looks a bit like Tyra!!! (laughing)
Charity (laughing)> oh don't…! you landed safely then miles?
Miles> Just about!
Charity> so… how was the skydiving?
Miles> Between you and me charity, it was the most petrifying thing that I have ever done.
Charity> (laughing) why? What happened?
Miles> well… I was so scared that I released my parachute too early and it got caught in the door, so I only fell about 4 foot! But the instructor promised he wouldn't tell any of the others. And so must you!
Charity (laughing)> I promise!!! Oh Miles, you are funny.
Miles> The best of it all is that I bumped into tyra and she thinks I'm a hero!
Charity> So you didn't tell her what really happened!?
Miles> No way… I told her that it was easy! In-fact, I told her that the instructor called me a fearless natural!
Charity> and she believed you?
Miles> She invited me to the ball!!!
<Miles and Charity Laughing>
10.3.3
Down at tunnel.
DJ> ok… Chancer, this is the mic… we need to get it in the tunnel and close enough to pick up what the vamps are saying… we then connect it to this transmitter and then we should be able to receive it in the studio… I've already started recording it so when I get back we'll listen to their plans.
Chancer> cool
DJ> I've been getting in the tunnel here…
Chancer> Yeah, it's the best way in…
DJ> Ok… lets go in… you go first!
Chancer> Alright… here goes.
SFX of struggle to get in hole…
DJ (whispering loudly)> Can you see anything?
Chancer (whisper)> yeah… keep it down, they are down there…
DJ> what are they doing?
Chancer> I don't know. But it really stinks down here. Where should this mic go…?
DJ> Hang the mic from that rock and just let it dangle down as far as you can…
Struggle as if in small space
DJ> Cosy are you mate…
Chancer> Not really… (continued struggle) QUICK! Get out… one of them is coming!
DJ> I can't… I've got my Armani caught…
Chancer> Forget the Armani… GET OUT!!!
DJ> ok… ok… ok… chill out man.
10.3.4
In Tunnel, vamps are planning the attacks. On laptop computer
Morpheus> What was that scuttling?
Brenton> Must be mice.
Morpheus> well keep your eyes open Brenton they make lovely canapés. But for now… The Plans.
Brenton> Oh my word!!! Are you serious Morpheus, surely not again.
Morpheus> I need you to know the plans for the second part of Friday Evening. If anything were to happen to me then you would be first in command. So it really is imperative that you know the details.
Brenton> Oh, I see…
Morpheus> ok.. now look here the plans are on the computer… (tap tap tap) right… here they are.
Brenton> ah ha.
Morpheus> Now, we'll be dealing with Lutharious, a very powerful vampire, who will be shipping over 5000 vampires from Romania via Europe's mainland, then over the channel and finally into Dover.
Brenton> But won't they get stopped as they come into the country… surely they'll be illegal immigrants?
Morpheus> nooo, don't worry!!! They never check anything like that, and even if they did… we're packing them into a lorry full of laboratoire garnier. You must try their facial toner by the way… it's a wonderful product.
Anyway, they'll arrive whilst we ambush the ball.
You still with me?Brenton> Yes… yes…
Morpheus> Good, once we turn those lazy bone idol students into vampires, we'll march to the cathedral, meet Lutharious and his army. Then join forces and attack the counties one by one… kent, then essex…. (Beware of the girls), then greater London. We'll be unstoppable!
10.4.1
on phone with chancer in laundry
Charity> Oh my… this is terrible, where are they shipping all these vampires in from?
Chancer> Romania…
Charity> Have you told ur mum?
Chancer> I can't, this is too big for even her. Smooth has a few ideas.
Charity> That idiot on the radio?
Chancer> no no…he's a bit of a columbo in his spare time.
Charity> oh…
Chancer> Look, I want you to do 2 things for me.
Charity> sure, anything, what is it?
Chancer> well one… can you warn the others, and just tell them to be vigilant at the ball… and I can't believe I'm saying this, keep them off the drink
Charity> and the second
Chancer> would you do me the honour of being my date for the ball?
Charity> I would love to. Pick me up at 8.
Chancer> Result!
10.4.2
Radio Studio Lizette doing a show.
Lizette> and now this one from Abba…
Into Abba record super trooper
SFX Door opening…
In comes DJ
DJ> Hey Liz… you are looking at the next chris evans!
Lizette> what are you on about now?
DJ> well, we have national coverage… those vamps are buggered!!! I've got the beeb, all the big commercials and they are all going to stop on Friday night at 11 and pass over to me DJ Smooth. Yours truly is gonna be famous… Imagine all the women I'll have after Friday, I'm gonna need a security guard.
Lizette> that… (interrupted)
SFX> Mobile phone ringing
DJ> Hold on Lizette… Yea Hello?.... This is he!..... mmm… I see… how much?... I would love to… yes… can you call me Saturday? … great… ok bye. Ha ha ha…
Lizette> who was that?
DJ> oh just the tabloids… wanna do a little interview with me… and give me ten grand!
Lizette> 10 000 pounds?
DJ> yeah… good looking, famous, and now rich too…
Lizette> hold on… but shouldn't some of that money be mine? I mean I called all the stations for you. I'm the one who got you the exposure in the first place…
DJ> in your dreams… get your own sweetheart. Oh and do me a favour… tell chancer we got coverage wont you?
Lizette(aside)> No I will not.
10.4.3
Bar Area
Tyra> Miles, Miles! Will you concentrate please
Miles> Sorry Tyra…
Tyra> Please can you just explain why Chancer has asked that little freak to the Ball.
Miles> I don't know Tyra, and her name is Charity…
Tyra> whatever! She looks like a freak! Why didn't he ask me?
Miles> well, aren't you supposed to be going with me? And shouldn't we be more worried about the vampires striking?
Tyra> yeah… but why didn't he ask me?
Miles> have you ever thought it might have something to do you're your annoying, whining, self-important American voice.
Tyra> Don't be ridiculous you sad, pathetic, feeble, useless excuse for a human being. Chancer is just in denial… he wants me… but knows he can't have me!
Miles> Yeah… I suppose you are right tyra.
10.4.4
Chancer> What ARE you doing?
DJ> Oh… Alright Chancer? Just setting up a webcam for Friday.
Chancer> What? So you heard from the Radio Stations?
DJ> Yep
Chancer> and…? how did it go?
DJ> well… (straining to fix webcam) we have the coverage now… we broadcast nationally at 11 pm on Friday on loads of networks. We'll flood the media with this. The package is nearly finished. Oh, you wouldn't believe the stuff we've been getting from our mic in the tunnel!
Chancer> So how will it all work?
DJ> well now the university radio studios now have an link with the other networks, so when we broadcast from say the main studio or the O.B. studio it'll transmit to all the other stations. I'm also linking this camera to the audio so it can go out on the TV networks.
Chancer> cool… but whats the OB studio?
DJ> That big white van… you know the one… that's a remote studio for Outside Broadcasts
Chancer> Oh I see…
DJ> So… when we broadcast we'll be doing so over some highly respected networks… and when the military and the other authorities hear it, and they will… they'll be here in a jiffy… once the vamps are exposed they can do no more harm, and we'll be heroes.
10.4.5
Anita's Room.
Anita> You have one more minute to tell me what all this is about, all I've heard so far is that you know what I'm up to… what exactly am I supposed to be "up to?" if you hadn't noticed I've got a sandwich company to run.
Lizette> Well… "Anita". I know about the vamps, I know about the ball on Friday, and I also know that this so called "sandwich company" is a big cover up…
Anita> woah woah woah How do you know this? (sarcastically) And… do you mind telling me who the heck you are?
Lizette> I'm Lizette, and never mind how I know. But I do, and best of all, I know who is going to expose you and just how he's going to do it.
Anita> are you going to share this information or just tease me with it.
Lizette> I'll share it… at the right price.
Anita> I knew it… how much do you want?
Lizette> I wanna be on your side, I wanna help you out… and in return… I want the radio station to be mine.
Anita> ok… it's yours… tell me what you know.
Lizette> well it all started earlier this week when that idiot DJ smooth found a ….. fade out into signature music.
10.5.1
Morpheus' office singing along to UKCR
DJ> Oh and if any of my female fans out there are interested in a little smooth love then you should be able to find me at the ball from about 11.30 after we finish our live broadcast.
Morpheus> 11.30? my dear boy… you'll have to be quicker than that… ha ha ha.
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
Morpheus (Still laughing)> Come!
Anita> I need to see you
Morpheus> What is wrong Anita?
Anita> They know… The know it all.
Morpheus> WHO KNOWS?
Anita> Vyvyan and that DJ, turns out they've been listening to you with hidden mics. They've broken into my office too.
Morpheus> ROAAARRR They know? … we'll what do they plan to do?
Anita> Well…
10.5.2
Highstreet shopping we go with Miles and Charity down the street.
Charity> I have just got to get a few more bits Miles…
Miles> Not more… please charity. surely not, we've been in every shop down here.
Charity> It's a big night I want to look nice…
Miles> Of course you will look nice, you always do.
Charity> Thank you and so will you Miles… you'll knock Tyra dead. Don't look now… but there she is. Oh my word… look at the amount of bags she has.
Miles> quick, lets move before she spots me, I don't feel like carrying all those up the hill for her.
10.5.3
Vampires Tunnel
Morpheus> What are you doing Brenton?
Brenton> Oh, just sorting out our masks for the ball…
Morpheus> Not any more you're not…it seems that Vyvyan and his friend DJ Smooth have been plotting against us, they know everything. They haven't gone to the authorities, but they intend on exposing us at 11.00 on national radio.
Brenton> Oh no… it's over Morpheus… we're finished (into tears)
Morpheus> STOP CRYING, ARE YOU MAD? On the way to the ball, you and I will give this DJ smooth a visit and pop him off at about 5 to 11. He'll be in the University Radio Station, we'll bite him then meet the others just in time for the attack on the masked ball. Are there any good ones in there?
Brenton> Well yeah… there's a lovely mask of the ugly one from abba.
Morpheus> Save that one for me... Come over here and hold this for me will you?
Brenton> What is it?Morpheus> Oh, It's just part of the spell to bring back the Great One. Ok, here goes… (clears throat) Dictates spell….
Sound effect…
Brenton> Oh? Whats happened?
<INSERT> Great one> What have you done you bumbling idiot… are you
Morpheus> (laughing) It appears that he's come back as the Great One of restricted growth!!! put him in your pocket…
And zip it up…
10.5.4
Atmos of Ball
Miles> You enjoying yourself Charity?
Charity> Yeah… It's good, where's Tyra?
Miles> I'm obviously not good enough for her… she's gone off to find Chancer. Whats the time?
Charity> bout 11, remember remember… keep your eyes open.
Miles> they are… and they are locked on to her.
SCREAMS
Charity> Miles!!!! This is it… come on…
ATMOS AND SOUNDS OF SCREAMS AND VAMPS.
10.5.5
Studio with smooth
DJ> ok… we're all linked up, tracks are all cued up and here we go, and I'll be a star and save the world… in 5, 4, 3, 2
SFX SMASH THROUGH DOOR
DJ> What the…?
Morpheus> Language smooth, language… we can't have referable words going out nationally can we?
DJ> What's going on?
Morpheus> the games up… and you were so close!
DJ> I don't know what your talking about please… I'll do anything!!!
Morpheus> Kill him Brenton,
Brenton> With pleasure Morpheus. Come here you little worm!
SFX of KILLING
Sound of Interference on airwaves…
Morpheus (cheerfully)> Right… off we go!
Through Speakers>
Chancer> Not so fast… Dad… you didn't think we'd let you get away with it did you?Morpheus (bemused)> Vyvian?
Chancer> IT'S CHANCER!!!
Morheus> where the heck are you? My boy?
Chancer> in the Lovebite's OB studio, playing you the nation, The Last broadcast of the Late DJ Smooth.
INSERT BROADCAST
Morpheus> NOOOOOOO!!!!!! RUN FOR IT BRENTON!!! Kids these days… no respect for their parents!
INSERT AND OUT TO SIRENS AND HELICOPTERS
To WELCOME PAGE
Radio Soap (serial drama) - HOW TO MAKE IT
Five-minute episodes - or short episodes
Step by step instruction from Alan Beck.
Learn about radio drama on this site along with my book - Beck, Alan, Radio Acting, London: A & C Black (1997) ISBN 0-7136-4631-4
This is how to make a short-form soap - entertaining (above all) and you can include issues (issues that could influence the listeners' behaviour).
Further: production, scripting, web site, marketing, focus group meetings, drop-in script, copyright material logging, trails, soap launch.
LINKS WITH OTHER SITE
Radio Drama - directing, acting, technical, learning & teaching, researching, styles, genres
This is a complete curriculum of scripts, techniques, advice, sound files - effects and atmoses (with no copyright and so free to use), detailed script commentaries, etc. -
Contact: [email protected]
This site's address: http://www.savoyhill.co.uk/soap/index.html